SICK OF PEOPLE SAYING "you could have it worse."

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by akito38, Aug 25, 2009.

  1. akito38

    akito38 Member

    honestly is there anything more ridiculous for someone to say when you are trying to seriously discuss your feelings. Sure I may not have been born starving in africa. And yes there are many people with way worse problems than my self. (although in the end all that is a matter of opinion) But someone saying you could have it worse is an insult. may as well just tell me to F-off! Obviously my problems are bad enough Ive attempted suicide more than once. Obviously my problems are bad enough that In the past I cut my self daily. I just find it frustrating when people say that. :pokeball:
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree! They so don't get it and it totally invalidates your feelings!
  3. the fleet asleep

    the fleet asleep Well-Known Member

    i dont think its a personal thing, its just that people on the whole do not want to deal with somebody elses problems any more than they want to deal with their own. its not a point of advice, its just that theres not much else to say in that instance.

    to be fair, as "it could be worse" is something i tell myself quite a bit, it does address the common lack of perspective among people who would make attempts at their own lives. for all our problems, and their perceived complexities, there are people with much less doing much more. maybe you should take the saying "you could have it worse" as less an insult to your ability to cope, and more a humbling truth.

    people do have it worse, that is the undisputable truth, and completely disregarding that fact is just as damaging as placing too much emphasis on it. seeing people who have it much worse than you, yet manage to get by on strength of will, or simple determination, is an incredibly humbling and insightful experience. if theres one thing everyone can use more of, its humbling experiences. take care.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Yup I hate that. I agree it does invalidate your feelings. I think we all suffer the same. You cannot compare outside situations on judging who has it worse. The richest people in the world can be suffering way more than someone who is just trying to survive day to day.
  5. akito38

    akito38 Member

    well to clarify the part I like the least is when its said in a condescending way. If someone sympathizes at least a little bit and sighs and says "it could be worse" I can deal with it. But when people my parents especially say it. it makes me feel even worse. Kinda like why bother talking about it. even though everyone says you should talk about things.
  6. rosalee

    rosalee Well-Known Member

    Agreed on all counts, and especially with what you said about people inviting you to share your feelings with them, only to turn it around and try to guilt-trip you. Offering support, and then withdrawing it as soon as the person has demonstrated that yes, they really need it makes it obviously clear that their only interests in "helping" are just ways of making them feel better about themselves.

    I mean, I can see how not everybody has the resources to deal with stuff as heavy as suicide, but in those cases, they can at least NOT pretend to have answers to a problem they don't understand, and just show that they're listening. Honesty and empathy go a long way, and are a lot easier to practice than people realize.
  7. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    people tend to say this for 2 reasons:
    1. they feel uncomfortable discussing your feelings.
    2. they don't know how to respond to your feelings.
    no one likes hearing it, but it is true most of the time. =/
  8. akito38

    akito38 Member

    Yeah I can agree with that totally. Still don't bother offering help if you can't really give it. I guess in the end all people want is for me to put on a dog and pony show hoping my depression and problems will just go away.
  9. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    yeah no one wants to address things like that, for some reason it's just viewed as like borderline taboo, which is real unfortunate for the people that are depressed. i also hate those who say that people who are depressed are being petty or immature. that's a totally unreasonable thing to say.