Sick of Scar Fashion Victims- Rant 1

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Kirovski22, Jun 8, 2013.

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  1. Kirovski22

    Kirovski22 Active Member

    It was brought to my attention a while ago about people self harming on purpose as an intent to have "Fashion Scars". This drives me bloody mad because I feel it takes the mick out of true self harmers who self harm for a valid reason. As a self harmer myself I was horrified when I heard people say "I like how scars look", "They are so pretty I wish I had them" and crap like that. I went to my Dad's girlfriend's, friend's house a few weeks ago and she told me, as a councillor herself, how she was shocked when her son told her that kids at high school were doing this. I thought I had heard the last of the Fashion Scars dilemma and, to help her understand, I explained it. She could tell I was horrified and even a bit ashamed of having scars since I didn't want to be put into the same class as those people. The normal reaction is "OMG you're such an Emo" and honestly, i'm really, really not. Self harming doesn't make you Emo or even Goth (stigma is also attached to Goths). In depressive photos and things like that normally Emos and Goths are used because of the sometimes dark nature which I think isn't right since you can dress mainstream but still self harm. But young teens who aren't fully aware of things like the true Gothic Subculture and Emo fashion/ music immediately get drawn to self injury because of thing like those pictures, thinking it's all part of it when it's really not. When I asked a friend a while back about why she had cut herself she said it was because she was "Emo" and that all her Emo friends do it. But why? Emo started off as a music/fashion in America and had nothing to do with self injury, just emotional music, poetry and writing and alternative dressing.

    So a message to those Scar Fashion Victims: Grow up. Seriously. What happens when scars are no longer a big thing? You will be marked for the rest of your life, marks on your body without a cause but to fit in. And also: Stop making true self harmers who harm for a valid reason look bad.

    Phew, rant over...
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I sympathise with the rant, and I can honestly say I agree that those who do it for pleasure undermine the reasonings used by those who do it as a pain-relieving coping mechanism.

    Having self harmed myself I figured out it was preventable, as I looked at what I was doing (subsequently not giving in to urges when they arise).
  3. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I agree with everything you just said. People who follow those sorts of "trends" have their actions reflect on the people who need help. I'm sure the majority of people here have been accused of doing things for attention because of stuff like this.
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I read this an hour or so ago and decided against responding but have been thinking about it since.

    Judging people for the reason they scar themselves? HELLO! This is the same reason people are judging "true self harmers" - If you think that a large part of cutting is not attention seeking then you are either wrong or deluding yourself. If there was any doubt then the fear of other people getting the attention makes it clear. If it were not so then it would be better to scream it from the mountain tops and make it the latest fashion trend so that their would be no stigma -simply bad taste like in many choices of body modification in other eyes.

    What makes so certain that many of these fashion scar people have not simply found a clever story? We do not have a right to judge other people. We can certainly have an opinion and express that opinion but when it goes over into the realm of judging the choices of others then it is in fact becoming bullying. So now they are immature and need to grow up... I may suggest 98% of the "real self harmers" heard that a few thousand times themselves... They have an idealizations of cutting? Many here have the same with suicide and self harm - is how they started cutting to start with.

    People are accused of doing it to seek attention because very often they are. The fact they need that attention gets lost in the message though. The fact they would rather feel pain they can identify then unknown pain - or that pain is better than nothingness. There is shame and embarrassment from the cutting but it is also very often designed to get noticed. It is sad that this is the method they choose to get attention from others or themselves but it is what it is.

    Deciding who really needs the attention and who is really self harming and who is just playing games? No, in my opinion that is no better than the people that bully and neglect the "real self harmers" - just an example of continuing the cycle of abuse at the next available target....
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    When I was a teen, I had a real issue with self harming. I was an addict. I used to reach out to the people who self harmed, for whatever reason and I showed them what it would end up like. People looked at my arms and were shocked by what they saw and I would encourage them to talk to someone about how they were feeling, even if it was just a friend. Yes, a lot of people I went to school with experimented with cutting. Teenagers experiment, and when emotions are running high it is something that crosses a lot of teens mind. Many won't do it again, some may. But for whatever reason, it's not an easy decision to decide to cut yourself. So what if it is for attention? They are crying out for something. I do abhor people who say "scars are beautiful" etc but if they are doing it to themselves, something is driving them to do that. They deserve as much help as the "real self harmer".
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I think I actually missed something. Both NYJ and Butterfly have made valid statements that I agree with regards to self harmers of all varieties being entitled to support if they want it.
  7. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    You raise excellent points. I admit I did not think of it this way. Anyone cutting, regardless of their original reason, needs some kind of help.

    It's true that those who "follow a trend" could simply be using that as an excuse to mask what is really going on. But there's a difference between attention-seeking and crying out for help.

    Of course it's not up to us to say who is and isn't faking it. But there are people who do things like this because it's popular and those are the people I resent. I couldn't pick them out of a crowd, I couldn't point at who is faking and who isn't. But they do exist, as celebrity culture has proven. There are so many impressionable people out there who simply don't think things through.

    Does anyone else remember when it was "cool" to be bipolar because so many celebrities were admitting to having it? What about the whole "cut for Bieber" trend, where Justin Bieber fans started cutting themselves in protest? Even mental health charities slammed that one.
  8. Kirovski22

    Kirovski22 Active Member

    The people I know who self harm don't do it for attention. They hide it from everyone and keep it to themselves or those they trust most. I also know other people who don't do it in the name of experimentation or crying out for help. It's those who admit they do it to look "cool" and because it's the "in thing". Self harm, in my opinion, is so personal that you don't show it because in my opinion it's a contract between your body and your mind to try to relieve emotional tension/pain, NOT a fashion statement. It's making those who choose to hide it feel ashamed to show it in case they get tied in with those people. I'm one of those people, my best friend is one of those people. I'm saying they need to grow up in the sense that they have to realise the consequences of following such a fashion because scars are for life and they will look back and think "damn it I shouldn't have done that just because it's the in thing". I'm ONLY talking about the people who do it WITHOUT a cause and who continuously BRAG about it. I know self harmers of all types have causes but i'm talking about the ones who don't. Plus everyone judges everyone. Positive and negative it's only human. Back when I was a teen self harm was very uncommon at my school so really that's probably why i'm not used to the concept of doing it for attention since it was always hidden and never spoken about until you get called in by the councillor for feeling pissed off about something. It's not about abuse or bullying it's about making this subject known to people because I've been asked about it a few times before and it has outraged many people I know and shocked the people who know, including those who work in mental health. I personally have never been told i'm immature or need to grow up because of self harming. I was treated like an adult about it even when I was just a young teen. Hmm guess it depends on who finds out huh. Yes I remember that, Emilie Autumn is Bipolar and her fans starting claiming to have every single problem she had and yes it's things like that "cut for Bieber" trend that create these types of people
  9. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    On the one hand, I also don't want to judge people on the reasons they self-harm. On the other hand, I do feel like making a trend out of self-harming is just really awful and if people are actually doing it because they think scars look cool, I really can't be okay with that, either (though, it it's not easy, if not impossible, to really know what goes through anyone else's head). Making a trend out of something as destructive as self-harming is just really awful though, and I think it severely undermines anyone who does it, not just people who are doing it for "legitimate" reasons.

    I also think it's awful for people to claim that they have the same problems as a celeb, but then again I also don't want celebs to just sweep those kinds of issues under the rug, either. I know that some of EA's music really resonated with me because a lot of it had to do with mental illness, and the feelings that go with it. Like, mental illness is something that a lot of people struggle with, and it's sometimes helpful to know that a celeb has it too, in a "oh I'm not alone" sort of way?
  10. RESTurtles

    RESTurtles Well-Known Member

    I hate to say it, but people do what they think helps or is cool. Celebs are normal people, they make money, they get stressed out, they may not do the same to cope with there problems, but some do. Celebs also fake it the same as other people. People these days are so, fake, the lies, the truth, whats the difference, you hurt because you want to hurt, or you hurt because your in pain?

    To me, its sick to see people look at you, look at the cuts or scars, then you look down and see them, you try to hide but its out, you only can hope they just forget, but you also think they will tell all.
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