Sick of the games

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Damaged_Goods, Oct 20, 2015.

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  1. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Well-Known Member

    Yeh well I dont know if im in crisis or headed for heaven right now but something is def up. I have a long story, and I'm sure most of us do.. I wont bore you with the details of my idiotic life, but one thing is for sure-I am god damn done. I got told today that i am not allowed to talk to ppl on forums. apparently it bothers him. I just spent 2 hours in the bathroom trying to figure out why I exist. I just spent 2 fucking worthless hours of my life trying to convince myself that I have some kind of fucked up meaning. and why? so I can mean absolutely nothing to anyone. So he can kick me when Im down and then try to be the hero. here he comes...
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    If I am understanding this right your partner/husband will not let you on forums? What is the reasoning behind that (if i got that right). Yes most of us do have a long story and long history so feel free to talk about your issues here, maybe write in the ''my story'' section. That seems suitable for that. Now the main question...are you safe hun? Don't be afraid to not tell us *hugs*
     
  3. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Well-Known Member

    IDK his reasoning, maybe he is just jealous when I talk to ppl about my issues, maybe he thinks I shouldnt vent.... idk. but he doesnt want me talking to ppl regardless. He just now walked in here and accused me of cheating when i was responding to a client email (im a writer). am i safe? idk right now. i mean am i safe from him? probably today. hes asleep now. am I safe from me? im just not really comfortable answering that one right now. I dont want to burden anyone....... but im really feeling stuck right now. how do I get out of this mess??
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Take things slowly.

    He doesn't want you online because he thinks you will cheat? Some guys are like that, my ex thought the same until he knew better. What do you mean by are you safe from him? He is abusive towards you in any way? You can talk about that here if you want. You don't have to say anything you are not comfortable with but for us to help and give you support we kind of have to know what the issues are. Is writing things down here helping?
     
  5. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Well-Known Member

    Ok... i didnt want to go here but i feel like I need to explain. I spent 20 yrs in an abusive relationship. my childhood was also abusive. I met D and i thought that was over.. then i woke up. I love him, don't get me wrong,but yes hes been abusive. Hes on probation right now for his second charge.... its been almost a year since he touched me abusively. but his abuse has gone from physical to emotional. and its getting worse. he tells me im crazy and everything's my fault about 3-4 times a week. and I believe him. and I love him. I dont want to lose him. I want life to get better. but I also am not stupid and I know this isnt good for me. I feel like if I could just get better things would change.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm glad you opened up as I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I ended the relationship more than 2 years ago. It was hell. I could no longer put up with his abuse and taunts and rants, his control over me and his possession over me .No one is always right, nor is someone always wrong. I will say, maybe your relationship can get better by going to counselling together? Other than that I'd say get out of the relationship, look at all the pain he has caused. He is not worthy of having you in his life. You deserve so much better. I am really happy you opened up, don't be afraid to talk here, we understand... (hugs)
     
  7. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Well-Known Member

    and yes, talking about it helps.... i just worry about being judged. My friends around here tell me that i am choosing this so i deserve it. I dont choose to live like this. its just the life god gave me.
     
  8. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Well-Known Member

    thank u. Petal u have been extremely warm and understanding and u dont know how much I appreciate that. I feel so awful tonight but having someone like you to talk to really helps. he knocked on the bathroom door tonight and I just sat there.... numb. I just wanted my computer because I knew that friends like u were there. I needed to vent and u listened. Thank u.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are so very welcome hun, i'm online every single day here so if you need to talk/vent/cry whatever.. anything goes! :) What do you mean by he knocked on the bathroom door? He literally just knocked or he knocked you down. Which ever comes first for better or worse, you can control what that is by standing up for yourself. I know you have had a crap time in the past but you do not deserve that. You are worthy of love, comfort and compassion (as corny as that sounds, it's true). I hope you stand back and have a good look at yourself and your life and then make up your mind on what you want to do. Sleep on it and we will always be here for you no matter what the outcome.
     
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