Well, now that my addiction to MMORPGs is over I'm just rapidly spiraling downwards. For over 12 years they were all that was keeping me distracted from my overwhelming depression. Now all day all I can think about is how much I hate myself.
I have many mental problems; my only diagnosis's are major depressive disorder and Asperger's Syndrome, but there is so much more wrong with my head. Just a few days ago I found out there's actually a name for one of my problems - akathisia. Doctors are so useless, all they can do is fling random medication in your direction and lie about their invasive treatments (80% success rate on ECT my ass).
I can't even do simple stuff. I already took all the easy courses I could find at college, ended up dropping out of my last four because they quickly became too difficult and I can never keep up with everyone else. Watching TV reminds me of how dumb I am; I can't follow the more adult stuff so I can only watch simple shows that are pathetically easy even for a child to understand. I have my driver's license, but can't drive without someone giving me precise orders on where to go and what to do. Can't even shave without my parents' help because I just cut myself all over.
There's just too much I'm completely incapable of, and even then I have no dreams, no drive, no ability to commit to anything. All I can do is wait for my life to expire. Been on a few dozen medications (stopped after I was told I've been on everything that was currently out there), on my 7th therapist, had electroconvulsive therapy, even saw a hypnotist. The way I see it, suicide is just nature's self-destruct mechanism for when you're trapped with no way out. Just wish I was smart enough to do the research for it; from everything I read it's actually pretty tough to pull off. =/
I have many mental problems; my only diagnosis's are major depressive disorder and Asperger's Syndrome, but there is so much more wrong with my head. Just a few days ago I found out there's actually a name for one of my problems - akathisia. Doctors are so useless, all they can do is fling random medication in your direction and lie about their invasive treatments (80% success rate on ECT my ass).
I can't even do simple stuff. I already took all the easy courses I could find at college, ended up dropping out of my last four because they quickly became too difficult and I can never keep up with everyone else. Watching TV reminds me of how dumb I am; I can't follow the more adult stuff so I can only watch simple shows that are pathetically easy even for a child to understand. I have my driver's license, but can't drive without someone giving me precise orders on where to go and what to do. Can't even shave without my parents' help because I just cut myself all over.
There's just too much I'm completely incapable of, and even then I have no dreams, no drive, no ability to commit to anything. All I can do is wait for my life to expire. Been on a few dozen medications (stopped after I was told I've been on everything that was currently out there), on my 7th therapist, had electroconvulsive therapy, even saw a hypnotist. The way I see it, suicide is just nature's self-destruct mechanism for when you're trapped with no way out. Just wish I was smart enough to do the research for it; from everything I read it's actually pretty tough to pull off. =/