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Sick with worry

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#1
My mom and I don't have the best relationship. She was diagnosed with cancer last week and at the oncologist today. I'm currently waiting to hear from her. I don't have anyone and am so scared. I've been working so hard on my mental health and don't think I am strong enough to survive this. I want to be the sick one.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#4
While it's horrible that your mom's been diagnosed with cancer, there may also be an opportunity to fix problems in the relationship, maybe with the help of a family therapist.

Hugs Leesa
Covid makes it so hard to do that. I texted my brother on Saturday but he doesn't seem to want to communicate. My family is so broken.
 

Aurelia

🔶🔸✴ 👑 ✴🔸🔶
#6
It really sucks when you have no one else, doesn't it? I often think to myself that if only there was just one person I could turn to, it wouldn't be as bad.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#7
Sad to hear about your mother. Wishing the best for her health with the cancer, it is a nasty disease, that is the disease that took my mom 6 years ago and she was probably the person I have been closest to in my life.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#9
Sad to hear about your mother. Wishing the best for her health with the cancer, it is a nasty disease, that is the disease that took my mom 6 years ago and she was probably the person I have been closest to in my life.
I was close to my dad and they had a bitter divorce when I was a teenager. My mom and I have had a tumultuous relationship but that does not mean I want this. My dad has been gone 18 years.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#12
Sad to hear about your mother. Wishing the best for her health with the cancer, it is a nasty disease, that is the disease that took my mom 6 years ago and she was probably the person I have been closest to in my life.
It's just getting scarier but I am somehow on autopilot and can't quite grasp it all.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#13
What have they learned about your mother in the last couple weeks?
You hanging in there?
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#14
What have they learned about your mother in the last couple weeks?
You hanging in there?
Thanks for asking. Its stage 4 and has spread quite aggressively. She has a large tumor on her shoulder--probably the size of a large orange. They had told her it was a cyst and drained it twice telling her it was benign but it returned in a larger form. I'm very angry about that. She had told me she had a cyst but I didn't know the size as I haven't seen her due to covid. Since the doctors told her it was a cyst, I assumed it was.

She starts chemo on Thursday. She is 80 and it is advanced so we must be realistic but I'm not there yet. I have paperwork for power of attorney and I've been calling around about funeral costs. Her life insurance is enough for burial but no funeral home services. I haven't told her this because she doesn't need the extra worry.

My brother doesn't want to help financially and I am the one with the lowest income and alone.

Her biggest fear is she will never see my other brother again as he is incarcerated 4 hours away and not scheduled for release until December. I am having guilt because I was sick last Christmas and stayed home. I don't want her to suffer but I feel I need another Christmas.

We have it set up so a social worker will go to her house to look for safety issues. The chemo will make her bones weaker and I don't want her to fall.

I have a very hard time being at her house because she is a very heavy smoker. It hangs in the air and I can't breathe. It's over 115 degrees here so sitting outside isn't an option now. She takes an antidepressant and it's one of those where you can't cry ( hate those). She wants to cry and can't. Its overwhelming.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#15
Hi,
I'm really sorry to hear of all that your family is going through right now. I hope that you get enough additional time with your mother to make everyone say all the things you'd all like to say and see everyone together for another holiday and such.
I also wouldn't worry her about funeral home costs either. Many places only allow a very few people into have a service in some socially distances chairs anyway so many people aren't doing this these days and you could opt to skip it or do it later when the funds are more available. That feels really crappy though, I get it.
I'm glad you've got a social worker going in to see her. Are you very far away?
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#17
Hi,
I'm really sorry to hear of all that your family is going through right now. I hope that you get enough additional time with your mother to make everyone say all the things you'd all like to say and see everyone together for another holiday and such.
I also wouldn't worry her about funeral home costs either. Many places only allow a very few people into have a service in some socially distances chairs anyway so many people aren't doing this these days and you could opt to skip it or do it later when the funds are more available. That feels really crappy though, I get it.
I'm glad you've got a social worker going in to see her. Are you very far away?
We're not having a funeral. I'm just talking about death certificate, casket, refrigeration and transportation. That is around 2k. That's where the problem is.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#18
We're not having a funeral. I'm just talking about death certificate, casket, refrigeration and transportation. That is around 2k. That's where the problem is.
Is cremation an option? I don't know how you or her might feel about that though.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#19
Is cremation an option? I don't know how you or her might feel about that though.
She has always said she doesn't want that. Less than two weeks ago she mentioned it but my dad did the same shortly before he died. They were divorced but afterwards she said we did the right thing by not cremating because its not what he really wanted. I guess if we have to then we have to. We would still bury the ashes and I don't know that cost. If I had the money I'd just pay for it.
 

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