I'm so sick in the head. This is my last straw before it breaks the camel's back. I'm ready to kill myself over this guy who doesn't even know I exist. I have developed an obsession about him even though he already has a girlfriend. I can't seem to stop daydreaming about him and when he's in my presence, I feel so uncomfortable and nervous as if I like him. I do like some of his qualities but not really him as a person. He is not my type and I really don't want him. It's so illogical and irrational and the way my mind is tricking me to death about him. I'm ready to lose it...all because of HIM. I have to prepare that if I have one more suicide attempt, I'll be kicked out of my HUD apartment and be stuck in a personal care home again. I wish I could really successfully kill myself so I won't have to suffer the consequences, but I'm not sure if I'll survive or not. I have the means and I'm starting to give in to my desperate desire to just check out. I'm sick and tired of fighting this stupid delusion I have and the only way out is to kill myself. There.