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  1. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    He wouldn't stop touching me. I couldn't get away. It wasn't quite rape but it was close. I never want to be touched again. I feel sick. I wish I was dead. What is wrong with me? Being touched shouldn't make me break into tears and throw up. I want to die again. I want to cut. I want to be gone. I want nothingness more than I want anything solid. I can't get clean and my chest aches. I want to go home. I want to be gone. I am so close to something. Something dangerous and I don't know what it is. I feel so afraid.
     
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It's alright to feel afraid. You have reason to feel fear. Please don't let this assault on your person cause you to hurt yourself in any way. You can rise above this. You must rise above this. Can this assault be reported to the authorities, or is that not something you can do? You can PM me if you feel like talking about it privately. Whatever you decide just remember - YOU were the one being assaulted. YOU have done nothing wrong. I hope for the best for you dear.:hug:

    lots of love and hugs for you,:hug: :flowers: :hug:

    love,

    least
     
  3. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Reading this, I could have written it myself. I don't know what to say that's useful, just want you to know you're not alone in your feelings. :hug:
     
  4. jupiter202

    jupiter202 Well-Known Member

    Im sorry, I dont know quite what to say....I just want you to know you can talk to me if you ever want.....
     
  5. Wonkey Toy

    Wonkey Toy Member

    I was raped myself. touching is in a way a rape..it is a violation of someone integrity, body, and spirit.
    I didnt go see a psycologist but I spent 2 full years torturing myself.
    Now I am fine, I know it was hard, I had a boyfriend after my rape and he couldnt touch me either, I was tarumatised.
    he didnt understand because he didnt love me enough to understand.
    time helps to heal.
    you will heal, some people can forget by themselves, some people need a psychologist help...I think you should go see a psycologist because you are traumatised and when it is the case, you need profesional help because right now I know how you feel.
    You feel guilty and you think it was your fault and you could have avoided that to happen.NO IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
    I tell you this: it is not your fault. it is a time in your life, hard time but I went through it , alone without any family support or else and I get through it and I was raped losing my virginity, I am a girl, which means all the physical pain and torture, 1000 km from my country.

    It was hard because after the rape I was judged and even a stupid guy told me "you let that to happen, you should ahve prevented it"

    Today what makes me mad it is more people who hurt me, the rape I understood it, I was raped, ok, I lost a precious thing, but I get through it because if I let this thing eat me, I would go nuts and the rapist would win.
    I DONT WANT HIM TO WIN, NO WAY!!!!

    The consequences of the rape and what happen after was more destabilizing.

    I felt lost. I felt going from 0 to 360.
    That is what I needed to tell you. I met other girls who were raped or touched, one was a girl who was raped from age 6 to 8 by her uncle.
    it was hard, I started talking to her about my rape and she told me her story, we were both crying...we couldnt stop.

    in my life, I am 29, I met a lot of people who were raped, a guy told me he also met a lot of girls who were raped...our society is not right, too many children and teens are raped.

    for me, at 21, I was a baby..because 21 is young...I was so naive.

    when someone says NO that means NO...

    you will get through this, I promise you. I know, it is fresh in your mind.

    my best friend at the time told me I needed to see a doctor, I didnt and it was torture for 2 years, I cried while walking, while eating, I wanted to die..it was in 1999.

    take good care of yourself and you can talk when you want.
    sorry for my english.
    hugs
    :cheekkiss
     
  6. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    I still feel dirty. But I'll be okay I think. I wish I could talk to my therapist. But she's thousands of miles away. Why if you say yes to one thing, like a kiss, does that mean when you say no to more that no doesn't have any weight anymore? Some men make me sick. And I feel so ashamed. Which just makes it worse.
     
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I couldn't have said this better myself. Hang in there hun. Please listen to what least has said. It's not your fault, you've already been hurt, why hurt yourself more? :hug: I'm here if you ever want to talk about it, or anything. :smile: :hug:
     
  8. Wonkey Toy

    Wonkey Toy Member


    can you contact another therapist? you will feel better if you talk to someone, it helps a lot, it is not good to carry the weight of all this angel. I am sure you will be ok.
    you asked:
    why men dont understand "no"? because some men don't always respect women, some men don't understand what a woman is and a man is not made like a woman. we are totally different.
    One lady told me when I was 20 that because I was cute I need to be careful..it is true when you are innocent, pretty and naive, that makes you an easy target.
    especially nowadays
    hang in there and I am sure you will be fine.
    take care
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 6, 2007
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