Side affects galore and the feeling of needing more help. [trigger warning]

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Beka, Sep 27, 2013.

  1. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I don't know how to start this one, I guess I start off with that I've been on Prozac for two days now ( I know that isn't a long time), I'm not saying it isn't working but in the space of less than a day I've gone from feeling VERY disorientated and feeling like I was going to sink through the ground to completely flipping out because my mum and my sister were yelling at each other.

    I'm hoping that that was simply a one off. I can handle feeling like I'm going to sink through the floor even though I did burst into tears at the thought of getting stuck, but flipping my shit is another thing. I pride myself on being able to keep my cool in all kinds of situations so that pissed me off.

    I don't know. I'm feeling very drained. I have no energy whatsoever. I really hope this lets up soon. I just feel like I need to get away from everything, from family, from friends, from money, from work, from home and just so I can properly concentrate on ways to help me. I feel like I can't while I'm dealing with everyday, normal life because I'm always interrupted. By family, or by if I need to work etc.

    I feel like I'm going to explode. This morning my friend (who also has a history of very severe mental illness) said I was showing psychotic symptoms because I apparently kept going on and on about being watched and I was acting stranger than normal. I don't know if this the pills because it's only been two days or what.

    I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I don't want to wait for my therapy. I feel so out of it.

    I don't want to be constantly shifted around from therapist to therapist!! Why is it so hard for one therapist to help me?? It makes me feel so fucking inferior and shit when they do this. And just when I finally find somewhere that might keep me long term, they tell me I have to have two. I'm fucking stressed enough as it is without having to run around chasing two different therapists to tell them both the same thing. Fuck this all so pointless.

    All I want to do is tear my skin into pieces. To just shred it to the point of no-return. It will never look normal ever again. I mean fuck it's already getting there.

    Here mum, I probably need to be monitored. Because all I can fucking think about it slicing my own neck open. Or going for a walk in the middle of the night with a knife in case I get the urge. To just walk.
    What would actually happen if I just walk? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. ]

    Screw everything okay. I am seriously fed up of trying with this shit.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you have been having such a hard time, particularly since you are trying to get help with therapy and medication. This implies you are serious and willing to do your part but simply are not getting the supports you need to help you get where you need to be. I have some thoughts about the medication and some coping strategies but I suspect you have had enough advice from professionals that what you do not need is more "advice".

    If you have never contacted them, consider contacting MIND. I am not in the UK and your healthcare, particularly mental health care, baffles me but it really sounds like you could use a patient advocate that will help get you the supports you need and make sure the goal of the support is your wellness instead of a check the box system of handing you around. My understanding is they can sometimes help and advocate to get through the bureaucratic process in the UK to avoid some of that. They may be worth a call at least and maybe some of the UK folks on here that are directly familiar with them might have more to add.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Hey Ben, it's not advice I'm fed up of, I gladly take it so feel free! Haha I feel a bit calmer today but again I haven't even been on this stuff for a week yet. I do still feel a bit strange perception wise, just like I'm really small. I wish I stayed with my very first therapist, if my situation gets any worse I know they'll refer me back to him. I just want it to be less hassle and for it to get sorted so I can get started on therapy again. On top of that I'm getting nasty headaches all day where I keep clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth but I don't notice I'm even doing it until I have to open my mouth.
  4. Adam

    Adam SF Supporter

    Hello Beka, you may be just going through an adjustment period. However the violence expressed in those thoughts is concerning. The problem with some of these drugs is they can actually start out causing agitation, peculiar thoughts and even increase the intensity of suicidal thinking. What you need to consider is how out of control do you feel and if you are in any danger? Regardless of the levels of danger. You should report these experiences to your treating physician as soon as possible. So they can better monitor your progress. Sometimes one medication is just not the right one. We all react differently and have different tolerances that may just be the case for you.

    A good friend of mine has a good quote he often uses. *“Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm”. Life can certainly feel like one big storm. The challenge is to find peace within it. This is made even more difficult when our minds are also a storm. I can only tell you what has helped me now and in the past. Take from it what you will.

    If you feel agitated and overwhelmed you could look into meditation. A good place to start is mindfulness techniques. It is pretty much meditation just Psychology is suddenly pretending they discovered it. There are free guides on it and you tube videos. There is good science backing up meditation, but like anything useful it generally has to be learned and practised and early on it can seem frustrating.

    Better yet is Yoga as this combines meditation, better breathing and exercise. Which is proven to reduce cortisol levels. When we are stressed a lot of cortisol is produced and it does cause things like tiredness and headaches. Both teach you to tame your mind somewhat and find peace amidst the storm even if only for a short while.

    There are two books I can recommend that have helped me and others I have also passed them onto. But again it will take you to engage with the processes. You become your own therapist. Which sure saves on bills, being passed around and having to wait. But again not all techniques are for every one.

    Here they are listed if you are interested.

    The reason I like this one is it has a good imaginative approach that can be very helpful to the more creatively minded. It also avoids the almost patronising tone of some self help books.

    Then there is.

    This book is very potent but also quite dryly written. Seems very doctor, patient in its execution. But still useful stuff in there.

    As I am not based near Kent I cannot help you directly with services but here are a few places that you could ring up and they can likely direct you and tell you what is available in your area.

    I hope that proves useful and I wish you well in finding peace amidst the storm.
  5. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for the links Adam.

    The violence in my negative moods is always there but always focused on myself, I don't think I would ever be intentionally violent towards another.

    I kind of just want to lose it, to just scream and cry and do whatever it takes to get all this madness out. My doctor doesn't want me to go back anytime soon because they are convinced that because I had negative reactions to Citlopram; I could NOT leave my house, resulting in me having to quit one of my jobs. That I won't have any bad reactions to Prozac. But considering I flipped out and had perception issues in less than a few hours it a hard for me to believe that Prozac is a good medication for me. So far the side affects have been worse than Citlopram and Prozac has actually made me feel more suicidal in the last three days than Citlopram did in the month and a half I was on it.
  6. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    citalopram is so weak.
    have you ever been on any other meds? what did they do?
  7. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I've only been on Citalopram and Prozac
  8. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    they should indeed make you more mellow, so yes, hopefully just a one off
  9. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Prozac has been around forever because it is exceptionally low incidence of any real side effects. They are certainly possible but so rare that Dr may have said will not have problem with some reasonable certainty- does not mean you were not or are not one of those very rare exceptions. If there were side effects at the initial dose before any real amount had accumulated than would tend to think more of either at reaction to not being on other med, or possibly an allergic response.

    If you genuinely believe it is the prozac forget what Dr said and make another appointment right away - you are in the best position to know- not them.
  10. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    But is it really an issue if it is side affects? My doctors have always told me I needed to wait 3 weeks before saying I have side affects and going for an appointment. Could an allergic reaction change my moods? I always assumed it was simply the same type of reaction as for everything else, a physical one.
  11. themute

    themute Active Member

    I was on a really, really low dose of cipralex for 3 days and it messed me up so badly. I only took 3 half pills and then stopped. it's actually really scary just remembering. these drugs definitely do have effects that happen right away. It's more that they don't have their positive effects until three weeks. When I told my doctor what had happened she said that I should avoid SSRIs all together. Everyone is different, and while Prozac can help people it might make things even worse for others. I don't want to tell you what to do, but if I were you I would stop taking Prozac right away. What you described sounds a lot like what I experienced, and it's not fun! You could look into other medication families, and if I were you I would definitely try out meditation and yoga like Adam suggested. They wouldn't necessarily be miracle cures but they could help in the long run. I hope you're able to feel okay soon <3