*sigh* *trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by blub, Feb 14, 2007.

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  1. blub

    blub Guest

    Ok so a few weeks ago I cut 2 or 3 times a day and yeah that went out of control. Gladly I didnt had to go to the hospital, altho some cuts probly should have needed stitches. Anyway 2 weeks ago, my parents found out about my sh. So I promised them I wouldnt do it again. Offcourse I cant just stop with it, its an addiction, you think about it a lot. But the past 2 weeks I cut just 3 times, I think thats really good, but now I so want to do it. I've been thinking about it the whole day. I'm trying to lose some weight again without diet pills and throwing up. But every time I eat to much I feel such a loser. Anyway I hate myself for being so weak, I already boxed 2 times today, to lose that hate, thinking of hitting myself.
    But it just isnt the same... I want to push it in my skin, seeing it split open, blood flowing, the pain, the dizzyness, the scars. I even bought bandage and razors today, which i threw away last week. I miss it so much, I miss it even more than alcohol. I want to do it, cut deep, see it split open, see the fat, see the blood, do it again and again and again...
    I want to destroy this person I hate, I hate myself so god damn much

    *sigh*

    I'm sorry... I just needed to let it out. And you should know if you ever thinking about starting with sh, it is really addicting and it can really destroy you. It will go worser, it will be harder to stop. So please, never start with it!!
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Blub :sad: Please don't do it hun.
     
  3. blub

    blub Guest

    I wont, I will try to get some sleep. Or maybe do something else,read a book or something, dont know if i can fall asleep. Dont worry, just needed to let it out
     
  4. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    :hug: :hug: :hug: blub :sad:
     
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Blubs I know the temptation is extremely strong, and I know how you see yourself, but think about how well your going, and that if you stay the course, you could end up breaking SH for good. Its late there as I type this so I guess you havent got many ways of distracting yourself, but please do whatever you can, some drawing, or listen to some music, surf the forums...anything you can do to stop yourself before you go to bed.

    You know im here for you if you need me :hug:
     
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Awwwwww blubs :sad: Please stay safe hun, you know where i am if you wanna talk okay? :arms:
     
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