Ok so a few weeks ago I cut 2 or 3 times a day and yeah that went out of control. Gladly I didnt had to go to the hospital, altho some cuts probly should have needed stitches. Anyway 2 weeks ago, my parents found out about my sh. So I promised them I wouldnt do it again. Offcourse I cant just stop with it, its an addiction, you think about it a lot. But the past 2 weeks I cut just 3 times, I think thats really good, but now I so want to do it. I've been thinking about it the whole day. I'm trying to lose some weight again without diet pills and throwing up. But every time I eat to much I feel such a loser. Anyway I hate myself for being so weak, I already boxed 2 times today, to lose that hate, thinking of hitting myself. But it just isnt the same... I want to push it in my skin, seeing it split open, blood flowing, the pain, the dizzyness, the scars. I even bought bandage and razors today, which i threw away last week. I miss it so much, I miss it even more than alcohol. I want to do it, cut deep, see it split open, see the fat, see the blood, do it again and again and again... I want to destroy this person I hate, I hate myself so god damn much *sigh* I'm sorry... I just needed to let it out. And you should know if you ever thinking about starting with sh, it is really addicting and it can really destroy you. It will go worser, it will be harder to stop. So please, never start with it!!