It's like everyone wants me to leave. I know they will be better off when I leave but the truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen. I told my mom that she looked very pretty with her new haircut and all she told me was "if you took care of yourself, you would be too." She said "all you do is sit in your room." All I told her was that she looked nice. I left the house this morning to sit by myself at a cafe. I did that because she doesn't want me around. I think she is happier when I'm not around. I wish I had the courage to do it. I OD-ed a couple of days ago. I didn't take a fatal overdose obviously but I wanted to. So I promised myself that I will keep myself safe and I would call my therapist in the morning. I told my therapist about it. I didn't tell her about wanting to take more (obviously). She asked me if I was suicidal or if I was doing it to be self destructive? She knows I also cut. I couldn't answer her...I was also searching for overdose websites this morning...like how many pills is fatal....It didn't satisfy me as the website said a fatal overdose of many pills could cause you to be in pain for days before you die.