i just really feel like dying right now and I wish I knew why. It's not like it matters much at all because I've realized when it comes to my feelings they are null and void. If I screamed at the top of my lungs that I wanted to end it all, I don't know that anyone would hear me or if anyone would remotely care. I've struggled for the past few weeks to see any light at the end of the tunnel. My dad keeps saying I need to build self esteem, but how can I build anything when I see nothing good to look at, no hope, nothing. I see bitterness and a life of nothing to look forward to. I always thought my life would turn out differently. That maybe things would be better, would be more rewarding, but I see how fucked Ive made things. I've screwed my life into oblivion without any care or concern. I could die tomorrow and I'd leave my family a world of debt. I don't see heartache or concern for them, I see debt. How sick and twisted is that??