In real life I'm failing but even here on SF I don't know how to really connect with people; clearly nice people who really care about others and can even relate to a lot of what I'm going through. I don't understand why I'm like this. Why should people scare me so much? It keeps me so alone and confused. When did I forget how to have intimate relationships with people? Maybe I've been like this my entire life and I'm only now realizing the entirety of it. I try to go out and enjoy the company of other people, and I have friends I meet with a few times a week, but when it comes down to opening up and being really honest with someone, I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to reciprocate, either. It's like I'm just kind of apathetic towards humanity. Some of my past roommates accused me of being anti-social and that really hurt, because I always thought I was just shy. My dad's told me I'm overly stoic and it worries him. I don't mean to be this way, I really want to connect with others and be able to help them, but I just don't know how. Most of the time when I try I get the feeling it didn't really help/I didn't really get it in the first place, so what's the point? It's hopeless; I'll never be really connected with everyone else and what's going on around me. Even when I go to therapy I don't feel like I'm being honest/really connecting with what's going on with me/etc. so it hasn't helped that much -- and I've really tried! I feel really whiny and needy posting this but it's where I'm at. I'm driving myself into seclusion and it's freaking me out; people call and I don't respond because I just don't feel like it and it rarely even dawns on me that this might offend them or that they actually might be worried about it. One of my friends started crying when I told her how I tried to commit suicide and I just felt weird -- like, why does this upset you? This is NOT normal!!!