Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Morbid, Jun 10, 2008.

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  1. Morbid

    Morbid New Member

    It’s been two years since I’ve been in a constant state of ‘sadness’ or whatever. It all crumbled down when my dad died and I was left with an alcoholic bipolar mother and an abusive brother.

    Each day, I look in the mirror and I’m not far from tears. When I get changed, I close my eyes out of shame. I only feel a tiny bit happy when I picture some man/boy hugging me and not calling me ugly or fat. Then I start crying because I realise that no man or boy is ever going to think as anything but that obese hippo thing with a sad expression.

    All I want is a hug and someone to care about me but I’m never going to find that in my state, am I? I’m hugging a pillow into my old age probably. It’s not someone is ever going to date me. I’m just catatonic from the loneliness.

    I have no real friends. I got kicked out of the reject group for not knowing Harry Potter’s middle name and not putting up with one of them ranting about how I’m a devilish meat-eater and that I should go to hell. They are even more socially dumb than me, and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was eleven (it got removed when I turned thirteen however).

    The other crowds don’t mind me, but whenever you try to join I get rejected for being fat. The very words have literally been said to me, “You can’t be friends with us because you a fat mong!” Others start to bully me as they know they can because they know I have no one to defend me.

    Sometimes I wonder if suicide is viable option. I hate saying that, it makes me feel like a self-pitying waste of space. Which I am really. I'm just really lonely... i haven't been hugged since I was six

    P.S. I don’t want a ton of people saying what they think of appearance without the evidence. I think these pictures prove how terrible I look even when I put an effort into my appearance. I feel the only reason I’m posting these pictures is that if this thread embarrasses me, I can cancel my account or never come back on this forum.


    What the hell am I going to do with myself? I don’t really think my life is going to get any better. I’d die for an African any day... at least they’d enjoy and appericate their life more. I just feel like a selfish self-pitying cow
    (I posted this on another forum and all I got what that I was fat because of climate change and that I should join a sports club – but I get rejected from football clubs and stuff.)

    AH, screw it - no replies I'm going to bed now. Cya
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2008
  2. Issaccs

    Issaccs Well-Known Member

    Talk about skewed self image love, your not fat, just going through the joy of English Public Schooling.
  3. MaNg0s

    MaNg0s Well-Known Member

    Hey well first of all your not fat your very cute so you really need to stop putting yourself down. School sucks it will be over soon and when it is you will be in college where there will be more of a mature crowd who accepts anyone for just being themselves. I know it means nothing to you for me to say this but trust me life will get better just stick in there and soon a guy will come and show you that your worth something. Its just about the wait really life will get better. Suicide is not the option I used to think like that but after a few failed attempts lol I kinda realised that the only thing you can do with this thing called life is just live it. Your not a waste of space I hope everything works out for you. You seem like a genuine pretty girl just don't give up.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    :hug: To start with hear is a hug because I can't give you one personally. I want to tell you that you are beautiful!! Don't let other people drag you down. Keep you head high. You will graduate soon and you will be done with those a--holes. When you go to college you will find people who are more mature.
    I don't know you personally but I would guess there is a really nice, fun, caring, and loving person hiding in there somewhere. We at the forum are here for you. I would bet that no one here thinks you are fat or ugly. Those a--holes have made you self concuos. Keep the faith. If you need to talk to someone PM me, i would say see you in the chat room, but I can't get in there. I have tried everything others have told me to try and have come up blank.
    I don't know what else to say except you are cared for you just haven't noticed it yet. Talk to you later!!!:chopper:
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