It’s been two years since I’ve been in a constant state of ‘sadness’ or whatever. It all crumbled down when my dad died and I was left with an alcoholic bipolar mother and an abusive brother.
Each day, I look in the mirror and I’m not far from tears. When I get changed, I close my eyes out of shame. I only feel a tiny bit happy when I picture some man/boy hugging me and not calling me ugly or fat. Then I start crying because I realise that no man or boy is ever going to think as anything but that obese hippo thing with a sad expression.
All I want is a hug and someone to care about me but I’m never going to find that in my state, am I? I’m hugging a pillow into my old age probably. It’s not someone is ever going to date me. I’m just catatonic from the loneliness.
I have no real friends. I got kicked out of the reject group for not knowing Harry Potter’s middle name and not putting up with one of them ranting about how I’m a devilish meat-eater and that I should go to hell. They are even more socially dumb than me, and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was eleven (it got removed when I turned thirteen however).
The other crowds don’t mind me, but whenever you try to join I get rejected for being fat. The very words have literally been said to me, “You can’t be friends with us because you a fat mong!” Others start to bully me as they know they can because they know I have no one to defend me.
Sometimes I wonder if suicide is viable option. I hate saying that, it makes me feel like a self-pitying waste of space. Which I am really. I'm just really lonely... i haven't been hugged since I was six
P.S. I don’t want a ton of people saying what they think of appearance without the evidence. I think these pictures prove how terrible I look even when I put an effort into my appearance. I feel the only reason I’m posting these pictures is that if this thread embarrasses me, I can cancel my account or never come back on this forum.
http://i30.tinypic.com/34qjz41.jpg
http://i29.tinypic.com/20j4hf5.jpg
What the hell am I going to do with myself? I don’t really think my life is going to get any better. I’d die for an African any day... at least they’d enjoy and appericate their life more. I just feel like a selfish self-pitying cow
(I posted this on another forum and all I got what that I was fat because of climate change and that I should join a sports club – but I get rejected from football clubs and stuff.)
AH, screw it - no replies I'm going to bed now. Cya
Each day, I look in the mirror and I’m not far from tears. When I get changed, I close my eyes out of shame. I only feel a tiny bit happy when I picture some man/boy hugging me and not calling me ugly or fat. Then I start crying because I realise that no man or boy is ever going to think as anything but that obese hippo thing with a sad expression.
All I want is a hug and someone to care about me but I’m never going to find that in my state, am I? I’m hugging a pillow into my old age probably. It’s not someone is ever going to date me. I’m just catatonic from the loneliness.
I have no real friends. I got kicked out of the reject group for not knowing Harry Potter’s middle name and not putting up with one of them ranting about how I’m a devilish meat-eater and that I should go to hell. They are even more socially dumb than me, and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was eleven (it got removed when I turned thirteen however).
The other crowds don’t mind me, but whenever you try to join I get rejected for being fat. The very words have literally been said to me, “You can’t be friends with us because you a fat mong!” Others start to bully me as they know they can because they know I have no one to defend me.
Sometimes I wonder if suicide is viable option. I hate saying that, it makes me feel like a self-pitying waste of space. Which I am really. I'm just really lonely... i haven't been hugged since I was six
P.S. I don’t want a ton of people saying what they think of appearance without the evidence. I think these pictures prove how terrible I look even when I put an effort into my appearance. I feel the only reason I’m posting these pictures is that if this thread embarrasses me, I can cancel my account or never come back on this forum.
http://i30.tinypic.com/34qjz41.jpg
http://i29.tinypic.com/20j4hf5.jpg
What the hell am I going to do with myself? I don’t really think my life is going to get any better. I’d die for an African any day... at least they’d enjoy and appericate their life more. I just feel like a selfish self-pitying cow
(I posted this on another forum and all I got what that I was fat because of climate change and that I should join a sports club – but I get rejected from football clubs and stuff.)
AH, screw it - no replies I'm going to bed now. Cya
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