I've now been back at university for 2 weeks. I came in confident and very happy to be back. I even had plans to ask someone out that I had liked for awhile now but who had always been in a relationship (which I used to never mess with. I'll explain the "used to" part in a second). I quickly however read that she was not actually single as I had believed but had found another guy. Now this used to be the stop sign but I learned that if you really want something you do need to take risks and make it known. While this doesn't mean that I'm going to sabotage the relationship or keep hounding the girl, I was going to at least tell her that I like her. Just so I know she knows and I won't spend the future wondering "what if". This would have not been a problem with the previous guys she dated because they were largely asses and she didn't seem fully happy with them. But of course, murphy's law that now that I'm ready to make it known, the guy she's dating is a good guy and she seems happy in a way I haven't seen before. And the last thing I want to do is mess that up for her. But that doesn't change the way I feel. This isn't a case of pining after someone I just met and I honestly think I've fallen in love with her. I'm also not shutting out any other possible prospects waiting for her but I'm having a very hard time being around her and her bf (as she is a very good friend and I enjoy hanging out with her) when I wish it was me with her. One step forward, two back is how it seems my life goes. Add to this another experience of another girl who is drunk being all over me but once sober, it was all a "mistake" (as in not going to admit it) and I'm fighting hard to maintain the progress I've made. I've already slipped in one area (SH). I'm watching the season premiere of House and nearly burst out in tears because I feel exactly how he does. Happiness is so short lived and is never lasting but failures never leave my mind. The suicide is not strong but the hatred for myself is still here and I just want something to work on it.