Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by frickard, Jan 23, 2011.

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  1. frickard

    frickard Member

    Meh. I'm a *****. Fucked around with my first boyfriend all the time for almost 2 years. Dumped him cuz I couldn't handle the guilt. Clean til ovtober. Got a new boyfriend out of boredome. Didn't wanna do anything, but he ended up tongueing me for about 2 weeks. Left him cuz of the guilt. New boyfriend a week after that. I love him. We text and talk all the time but when we're physically together, we tongue cuz I'm a slut and can't handle being in the same room as someone I'm with without freaking molesting them. :/ just thought you should know. I feel like that girl who plays with guys and steals their innocence, then dumps them. It's not why I leave them, boredom. It's just I feel so guilty about everything in the world... everything's my fault... every time I end it with a guy or chop off all my hair, it's like I killed a part of me... and it hurts, but at the same time it's liberating. Not really. I have no idea what I feel. I just wish that part could be a whole, sometimes... :/
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Maybe having a stable boyfriend will be better than messing around with all of these guys?
  3. frickard

    frickard Member

    It's not that I go from guy to guy, I mean my current boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship, we've been dating almost 2 months and I mean that's that furthest we've gotten... idk I just feel like a slut for being me. Cuz that's what I am. And now that I've overstepped my boundaries I'm just gonna go shut up and stop whining and making people read my gibberish... sorry... :/ I won't be back, I promise I'll stop... just me being an attention***** :/
  4. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you equate sex with being a slut...now I know I'm as messed up as anyone, but in my opinion there is nothing inherently wrong with sex. There may be some issues with guilt and 'using' people, but if you meet them head on and work with yourself (and your boyfriend) to get past those issues, then that's the best you can do.

    Some people just like sex. Is that bad, to find joy in the feelings your body gives you? To share yourself with someone else and bring both of you pleasure? Either you like it, you accept it and accept your enjoyment of it, or you hate yourself for giving in (giving in to what, though?) and you make yourself and your boyfriend miserable with your unhappiness.

    If you're just using it to feel better, with no regards for his feelings or for your own safety or for any consequences, then you're using it like a drug. Time to get help. But if you're reasonably safe, if you care for him, and if the only thing you have against it is the sex itself...well, that seems kind of counter-intuitive. Sex is beautiful, between two people who care for each other. Grab it when you can, and enjoy it while you're still young enough to.

    I mean, if you're going to do it anyway...why beat yourself up over it? Embrace it and embrace yourself, or stop. Living in an 'in between' state is going to do nothing but make you miserable about it.
  5. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    I hope that you come back. Because talking to people on here will certainly help you to work through what you feel. :hug:
  6. frickard

    frickard Member

    There is nothing I'll ever be able to do to make up for what I have done to not only myself, but to my first boyfriend. Oh god I am such a bad person why did I ever start all this? If I hadn't been such a slutty little girl I never would have had these unholy urges and talked him into having sex with me. I'm such a terrible, plotting little person I made him think it was his idea like it was a mutual decisio9n but no it wasn't it just wasn't it was my fault for putting the idea in his head it was my fault for agreeing god I ruined his life screwed him up with my fucking obsession with getting off screwed mydelf over too cuz now I have someone special I could have waited for but I know any good feelings I have about my current boyfriend will disappear suddenly like all good feelings for no reason and I'll hate him. I don't know why it happens, but no matter how much I like him now I will hate him because he loves me and that makes me angry because he doesn't see what I see. If he could see through all my lies he'd see what I see. If I wasn't such a bad person, he'd know what a bad person I am. God I didn't mean to come on here and rant. That's all I ever do. I'm so sorry. :( don't tell me I'm not a needy whiney little bitch. Although everything I say and think is a lie, I know when I hear a lie from someone else. You don't know me. So you can't honestly say I'm not bad or anything else terrible that precisely describes me. Nobody can. There is no such thing as "me."
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We all do things we feel ashamed of, and usually do it because we feel ashamed of things we cannot handle...did this myself for years until I worked out the more genuine shame...please know you deserve to treat yourself better...you cannot change what you did but you can change what you do in the future...J
  8. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Maybe what this is about is finding why it is that you feel liberated. :cazza:
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