Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by SmilePretty, Nov 9, 2006.

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  1. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    i was in math today, and i started to scrape my arm with a protractor...and then it was a big bloody mess in the middle of class, so i had to go to the bathroom and i got out a pair of scissors and made some more cuts.
    and it didnt stop bleeding for 2 hours and i was in school the whole time, and i couldnt really do anything about it, so i just got some paper towels and kept them on my arm and continued my day.

    no one even noticed that anything was wrong :sad:

    i havent cut myself that badly in a long time. i had to use my butterfly strips :sad:

  2. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    Sorry you felt the need to cut. I noticed the sad face after you said no one noticed. Are you saying you wish someone did? Do you have a counselor or therapist you are able to speak with? Did something provoke this or are you like me and just simply feel the need? I'll be around for an hour or so if you want to talk. Make sure you clean your cuts good. I imagine a protractor and school scissors are not that clean.

    Lots of love and understanding to you.
  3. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    the protractor and scissors were mine, and i cleaned out my cuts. and i am sad that no one noticed because my best friend knows about what i do and she didnt even notice...idk i just wanted some one to actully care about me. i dont go to any shrinks or therapists...

    i am no really upset that i cut, i am more disappointed in myself because i was doing so well at keeping it to a minimum

    the reason why i cut was because last night my brother came home and...lets just say that he isnt very nice.
  4. special_needs

    special_needs Well-Known Member

    it happened exactly the same with me, like a week ago...
    i was in maths, and started cutting with my compass... and no one even noticed that.... of course it wouldnt be good if they found out, but it isnt good to be ignored...
    i really understand what you´re feeling... :sad:

    by the way, compass really sucks for cutting....
  5. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    oh yeah lol it was a compass

    exactly why i hate math lol i cant even tell the difference between a fucking compass and a protractor lol
  6. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    sorry you have such a lousy brother. it's hard to over look those pushy holier than thou people. just try to remember that you ARE better than he is. Don't let your brother have the satisfaction of making you cut. Maybe if you made a voodoo doll of him and cut that up instead? I just did think of that so I don't know if it works. :rolleyes:

    You think that maybe your friend was just too busy with the math? Many times we think others are watching or should be watching, but in reality, most of us are too caught up in our own lives to worry about others. This may be why no one noticed. If you are close enough to your friend, maybe you could call him/her up and let them know how you feel. Focus not on the cutting, but on how you feel that they didn't notice. Also, I'd recommend going to your school counselor. I'm not going to say they can help you with your cutting, because I know you probably don't want to tell anyone, and that's ok. What I would like you to tell about is your brother. They should be able to provide some insight as to how you can deal with him. Just tell them about what he does that bothers you and your concerned because you can't think straight at school. You don't have to mention the cuts.

    Also I wanted to say good job to you. In your first post, you said you had been keeping it under control. that takes a lot of willpower to be able to do, even for a little while. So let yourself feel good about being able to control it for how ever long you did. Maybe next time, you can control it for a little longer.
  7. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    My therapist says the WORST thing anyone can do (above name calling and all) is to ignore someone.
  8. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    i cant go to guidence about my brother because i have 2 and they both beat me up... it is all a huge web of shit that i can control by cutting
  9. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you have two reasons to seek guidance.
    Do your parents not notice whats going on? Or they do and just overlook it?

    Have you tried posting in the bullying section on this sight? Perhaps someone there can help with this situation.
  10. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    already have posted there and in domestic abuse lol

    no worries though i will be fine
  11. Jess

    Jess Guest

    :hug: hey Lucy hun,

    I know I talked toyou in chat earlier and you mentioned this.. I can sorta relate I guess? I mean, I've wanted to and often thought about doing this sort of thing in school while holding a pair of scissors in my hand.. or even better.. in a lab in chemistry with sharper objects and.. well I won't get into the gruesome details because that wouldn't be good of me, heh. but I just wanted to let you know I'm here if you wanna talk ok? I realize we're about the same age and can probably relate to one another. pm box is always open on this end. I'm glad you posted about this..

    Admitting that you did indeed self harm is a big part of coping with doing it and finding alternatives. If you don't allow yourself to acknowledge you do it.. then there's a worse problem. Like an alcoholic denying they have a drinking problem... first step is admitting lol as queer as that sounds. I'm glad you posted. and if there's anything I can do let me know :hug:
  12. ealdc

    ealdc Guest

    I'm soooo sorry nobody noticed! I know exactly how you feel! No explanation required! But, if I was there and I was your friend I would have noticed. I always noticed when something wasn't right with my friends but they never seemed to notice when it was me. It sucked a lot.

    I'm not a cutter, but I tried it once. There was this guy when I was in grade 7 and I thought I was in love. Of course he didn't know I was alive. I ended up carving an "R" for his first name in my wrist. Nobody noticed and I continued to pick the scab over and over. It was there for months and nobody said a thing! It's gone now, it never ended up scarring, oddly enough, but I never cut again.
  13. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    :hug: thanks jess, i might take you up on that offer sometime lol

    and ealdc it really does suck and i am sorry that you have had to go through it too. I am glad it didnt scar, because scars arent fun.
  14. Porcelain

    Porcelain Well-Known Member

    I self harmed at school when I was younger. It wasn't the best thing I ever did that's for sure.
  15. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    :hug: i am sorry
  16. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    It might not necessarily be that no one notices what uv done, its that no one notices that theres something wrong with u in the first place...

  17. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    i am just talking about the one person who does know that there is something wrong. She didnt even notice...idk i am just being childish
  18. Always Alone

    Always Alone Guest

    Your not being childish. It's ok to want people to notice, it's a good thing. It shows that on some level, you want a chance to stop, or just someone to lean on.

    Your friend might have noticed, but maybe she's not sure what to say to you? Or maybe she thinks that you'd rather not talk about it. If you want help from her you should talk to her.

    Take care :hug:
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