Well , I guess I'll start off with this . I suppose I had my first recollection about 13 years ago. I have really wanted to stay out of this forum , but I had to read a few posts. Sorry I did not comment on any of them. I have done an excellent job of suppressing the recollections, even now I limit it only two or three, and if any of them come up I just start thinking of hurting people that have hurt me in any way shape or form. The man I want to hurt is dead , so fuck him, I shit on his grave on my birthday every year . Ok I don't really even know why exactly im posting in here, unless this is probably the underlying root to the downfall to my mental state, well this and the fact that my father was a raging alcoholic. Every one of the posts that I have read has just made me want to kill their assailant. It disturbs me in the worst way to hear of or read about a sexual assault. It would have been nice to recollect these thoughts while my assailant was still alive , although i would have lowered myself lower than them to do unto them far worse than what i can recall him doing to me, but i really hope i get to meet a rapist or a pedophile before my time expires , for they will not know any thing of the trauma that have inflicted upon their victims but only the trauma they shall endure as their life leaves their shitty corpse. To everyone that has been a victim, don't be afraid of them stand up , the legal process is excruciating to the victims, but do not let that deter you if you can wake up daily and know love in your heart , than you are truly strong enough to face the lawyers and court system to make sure that the person that did this to you does not do this to someone else , at least until he has been punished for what they have already done and have to register as as sex offender to possibly at least give others warning of what kind of shitbag they are . I'm sorry it seems that this is full of hate , but i really hope that it might encourage any of the silent to speak out LOUDLY!!!! In their own defense, since in these cases the victim is the only one that has to suffer simply for being a victim of a predator of the worse kind . As one girl wrote she was glad it happend to her instead of one of her friends or a child , but it easily could gave been the next time if she remained silent. KUDOS!!!! To all of you who fight on past this, don't let them destroy your life just because they have impacted your security. This shall pass and you can and will find someone that will cherish you like you deserve. DO NOT take any of the circumstances that have happened as your fault you did nothing to have someone harm you. This falls entirely on their mental state. I really hope that this insight from someone that has been consumed by hatred and anger helps anyone at all not to end up as i have . Thank you for your time .