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Signs to Leave

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I am really at the end of my rope right now. I have been pretty majorly depressed the last couple years,but the last couple of weeks I feel like im being shown more and ore signs that Im not supposed to be here anymore. Im about to lose my second job in six months,my nursing license is in jeopardy b/c of the first job loss. i moved out of state to be with my long term bf of 3.5 yrs and he still doesnt think Im good enough to marry,he uses depression as an excuse.But,even when I've been good,i.e. taking meds,not saying anything about marriage,trying to be peppy,it still doesnt make him want me. Also,I have no friend anymore and the few relatives whom I talk to like me conditionally at best(but thats how my family operates,they only like anyone conditionally). Im 32,running out of time for marriage/kids,and with job stuff in jeopardy,I just feel like I have no purpose in life. The other night,I made a list of reasons to die,I had 37.Isnt that a sign??
I see signs to live not signs to leave! You say you want friends? You won't find that in death. You want kids? Again, not in death, but in LIFE.

Try making a list of things that you would live for instead. If you can put even one thing on that list then you know that death is not an option. It sounds like you already have some things in mind like making friends and having kids. These are great things that you would never have in death. So I say live!

What you need to do is be open as possible with everyone. If you want to be with your boyfriend so badly make him know. If you really want kids let him know. If what he wants isn't what you want then maybe you should find someone who does want what you want. A scary thing I know and easier said than done, but the truth is it can be done if that's what you want.

So make a list of the things that you want in life. Make a list of all the things you would live for. Then every single day of your life make sure that at least ONE of those things happens.
I understnd your point. However,Im not the kind of girl who attracts guys very well. My curretn bf is only my second one ever. He knows very well how I feel,but it doesnt matter,he keeps using my feelings as a reason to not go forward. Ill never be able to get anyone else,who wants someone whos 32 and diseased? Plus,I love him,so it doesnt matter. As for friends,does it really matter if I dont have them here or dont have them in death? At least in death,Il be at peace.
The fact that you have a boyfriend already and have had one before proves that people would want to be with you! You are attracting people just fine. So you have nothing to worry about there. If you want to be with someone else then do it or if you are happy where you are take comfort in that.

As for this peace you seek in death. Would not peace in life be better? Wouldn't making friends be a step towards that?

Don't give up.
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