Silent screams echo in my head

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by obscure, Jan 26, 2011.

  1. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    Now? Now i barely hold back tears as my life falls to shit and i sink in a hole of hatred and depression. I fight the sadness so i can see *****, be in his arms again. I fight for him. I'm dying inside, with no symptoms to alert anybody, for his happiness. Can't show any symptoms. One is less desireable and would put me in MH, the other is terrifying, a journey to find self worth, a journey undertaken in vain. So instead i fight for his happiness. Force a smile when my heart cracks, breathe deep when my lungs seem to fill with water, hold back the tears when i just want to collapse and cry. Cry for the world, so forsaken. For the girls who believe they're never good enough, for the nice guys who can't catch a break, for society that believes money is the answer to everything. I don't cry often but when i do, i cry for all the people who've been beaten, abused, misused and forgotten. For those who'd give everything to be someone else, those who are fighting for someone else becuase they can't validate their own lives. I cry for the women forcing one bite, then another. Forcing the voices to the back burner 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For the women who are tiring from the ever present internal war, women like me; who are begging for rescue. They can't tread water forever, throw them a line before they drown.

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2011
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope someone throws you a line to help you from your sadness and suffering hugs Reach o ut okay to anyone around you crisis line doc friends don't fight alone okay hugs
  3. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    :) i have such a hard time reaching out to people. just kind of a left over from my eating disorders, i get so focused on being independent and trying to prove that i don't need help or that i'm not crazy, i usually end up back in a hole with my eating disorders or cutting or actually going crazy. it's a vicious catch-22 circle :(