every night i lay in bed, feeling so alone with my thoughts. thoughts of pain, hurt, loneliness, suicide and cry silent tears. not sure where i am anymore not sure what i want anymore. most of all i want to be content, i want to be at peace with everything that is causing me to feel this way. wishing i could get to that corner and try and turn round it, i wish for this illness to let me breath again, let me be, yeah just let me be. for so long ive avoided those feelings, the trauma of re-living the past, but where has that got me; nowhere...im an alcoholic, pretty shit mother and role model, and not much better at being a wife. theres times i would love to be able to turn the clock back, but where would i turn it to...i cant go back as far as i reckon i would need to, it would be like starting my life over again...do i really want that ? all i DO know is the pain is getting too much to bear, therapy has just cranked up a notch and got so much more traumatic. it hurts, god it hurts so fucking much, please let it end, im not a bad person, do i deserve this....yeah probably.
you said it all youre not a bad person and no you dont deserve this the therapy has cranked up a notch and got more tramatic but it will be worth it so you can become the good mum and good wife you want to be ok you cant go back but you can start your life again
i could never have imagined how getting to the tough stuff in therapy would affect me....i thought it would be hard, but never could i have saw this, im totally traumatized, how the hell do i get myself through this ? could someone please tell me HOW ????
