I believe I owe you an apology for being so negative lately. Especially lately. I think “sin” is best described as “being without.” I’ve been without hope. Without faith. At many times, without love. I wish it were easy to give people hope, faith, and love. But it’s a trick of the world that we can only give it by living it ourselves. Though I have struggled on the battlefield between hope and despair, life and death since I first experienced loss as a child, I’ve been increasingly negative over the past several years. While I acknowledge the shine of humanity within me during small moments in which I am comfortable, free, and fearless, I’ve also shamelessly and unapologetically spread a far-from-humble message of aimless surrender to the chaos of this universe. Hope cultivates hope; hopelessness cultivates hopelessness. I am responsible for the seeds of destruction I have been known to consume and spit out into the lives of others. I recognize that it’s not as bleak as I’m making it sound. I have, in my moments, responded to some direct challenges and contacts with great light, and I continue to hope that the seeds of life I’ve thrown have been able to blossom on their own. But far too many times, I’ve been defeated by my fears. Without, I still will be. It’s something that feels so ingrained in my habits that I can feel it in my skin. Consider this a bit of a confession for the sin of being without.