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sin at 31

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by notnow, Nov 29, 2007.

  1. notnow

    notnow New Member

    I believe I owe you an apology for being so negative lately. Especially lately.

    I think “sin” is best described as “being without.” I’ve been without hope. Without faith. At many times, without love.

    I wish it were easy to give people hope, faith, and love. But it’s a trick of the world that we can only give it by living it ourselves.

    Though I have struggled on the battlefield between hope and despair, life and death since I first experienced loss as a child, I’ve been increasingly negative over the past several years. While I acknowledge the shine of humanity within me during small moments in which I am comfortable, free, and fearless, I’ve also shamelessly and unapologetically spread a far-from-humble message of aimless surrender to the chaos of this universe.

    Hope cultivates hope; hopelessness cultivates hopelessness. I am responsible for the seeds of destruction I have been known to consume and spit out into the lives of others.

    I recognize that it’s not as bleak as I’m making it sound. I have, in my moments, responded to some direct challenges and contacts with great light, and I continue to hope that the seeds of life I’ve thrown have been able to blossom on their own. But far too many times, I’ve been defeated by my fears. Without, I still will be. It’s something that feels so ingrained in my habits that I can feel it in my skin.

    Consider this a bit of a confession for the sin of being without.
  2. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    First let me welcome you to Sf. Life often put stones on our path; some bigger than others, but each can make us loose our balance or fall. I am sorry for the lost of your child and I believe this is the bottom line of your
    feelings and emotions .... carrying it within since then and which you seem
    to have difficulty letting go of.

    Mourning of a child can take a long time, for some a lifetime if not helped.
    I am not here to predict but do know what it means to loose a child and
    the impact it has on a person and on its life from then forward. If the mourning has not reached a satisfactory level to permit you to move on
    then you do need outside help hun.

    You still have a lot to live for and look foward to even if you can't see it at the moment. I invite you to seek the help of a therapist, psicologo or else..
    to open to, get out those feelings and emotions that you've made your load of...... and help you reach the end of that tunnel.

    Please be kind with yourself and do seek help. Do not be afraid to ask as it takes a lot of courage to admit being in need and even harder to make the step in reaching for that help. My best wishes to you.

    be well and stay safe