Since 2004, A downward spiral

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Plantain, Jan 3, 2008.

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  1. Plantain

    Plantain New Member

    I've never though about actually doing it so much in my life...

    I never though that these things could happen to me...I don't know how such a horrible chain of events are possible...especially the past 6 months...

    It all started in my junior year of High school

    My dad got layed off from his job he had for 30 years...making good money

    We were never rich, but we lived comfortably, and I pretty much got what I wanted within reason

    Now times got tighter...I didn't notice a difference until about a year later mom was forced to get a job...and there were problems in the household...

    fast forward to 2008...I'm 21....I've fallen ill to prostatitis, which basically makes your testicles hurt all the time...they've been hurting for 3 months now... I thought I had some relief from alpha blockers I had been taking for a few weeks, but now my chest burns constantly, and my head is filled with pressure and feels like I'm about to bust...especially before I go to sleep. Its torture everyday I wake up until I go to sleep..

    I've had to stop working out...and basically doing anything since I feel like crap all the time it sucks to even get dressed and leave the house. I've gained alot of weight, and lost most of my muscle mass...I don't like to look at myself in the mirror. I hated it when I missed one workout I feel so horrible.

    I have a girlfriend I've had for 2 years, and I feel horrible having her be with me. I want her to go and have fun and life her life and spend it in my room and watching me in pain. And now the whole I'm getting fat thing isn't helping either...I like to be in good shape for her...

    My dad has a somewhat decent job...but he left my mom is forced to work 8 hour days at a crappy factory...and worse of all...I can't do anything about it...she's 54..and complains about her feet and stuff all the time...she's taking care of me for so long and I can't do anything about....I want to go out and get a job to help her but I feel to horrible.

    Everyday I question things...I've been a Christian all my life...and I know that doesn't exclude me from the pains of life or anything...but seriously...I've been a good person to everyone I people I don't know...I've been healthy, eating relatively good for the past 5 years...working out constantly...and all I'm left with is me, alone in my room, questioning why all of this has happend...

    I'm going to a community college for business...and thats about all I feel like doing right now....I had such high hopes for myself...but its all been shot down....and its torture to live everyday....


    1. Dad left me and mom
    2. I'm 21, at home, with chronic testicle pain
    3. My mom is forced to work long hours and she is old
    4. I'm going from body builder, to fatass
    5. Sad my girlfriend is living a boring life watching me in pain
    6. Can even drink my sorrows away because it makes my prostatitis
    7. Suicide probably not answer, but its torture living in pain
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Although I personally can't relate to everything that has happened to you, I can relate to the reality of loosing everything you ever did for yourself and others and the feelings of wanting to end it all. Just wanted to let you know I care :hug:
  3. sorrowstealer

    sorrowstealer Member

    I know sometimes that life can throw all kinds of problems our way. Since you are a Christian, take your bible and read the book of Job. Read what he went through, you can relate. I have had to refer back to Job's story on allot of occasions. Only the Lord would know where I would be if I didn't refer to the bible for comfort. I suggest you do the same.
  4. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from man.

    I too have watched myself deteriorate in a similar fashion, from about 2003/2004.

    I am now 20. I have gone from being in great shape, playing representative sport at a national level and doing well in school with great social contacts ... to an alcoholic, depressed, meek, reclusive bitter college drop out. I don't believe it happened to me either. Makes me sick considering I had aimed so high.

    Is this prostatis curable?
  5. Plantain

    Plantain New Member

    There is very little known about prostatitis...and they say there is mostly get it in their 50's...I noticed it after a night of heavy drinking...which I hardly ever its not like I was horrible to my body or anything...

    And I never quite understood the story of didn't really make any sense to me why God would do that...

    South Park said it best, as in why would God do such a horrible thing to somebody just to prove a point?

    I don't understand....
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Plantain. You might find what I have to say a little strange, but bear with me. Your experience sounds like a spiritual emergency to me. A constantly burning chest and a head filled with pressure can be caused by a Kundalini Awakening. I went through something like this a couple of years ago, but have since gotten better. You might want to have a look at this forum and see if you're experiencing the other symptoms. Kundalini awakenings are quite rare, but they do occur.
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