I remember the first time I felt like I wanted to die. I was 8 years old. I don't remember what made me feel that way at that particular moment but I don't think it matters. What matters to me is how I've always felt about life in general. Since I was a kid I have never enjoyed being alive. I don't think I've ever experienced the feeling of happiness. At least not like most people say they have. There have been moments in my life when I felt okay enough not to be thinking about ending my life. But even during those moments I would still think that if death was an option, I would take it, no questions asked. I just think that life was handed to me even though I never asked for it. And I only think of it as a number of years that will end at some point. So why drag it on?