Since I Was A Grade-School Class Fool... *trig?*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by altek001, Dec 12, 2007.

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  1. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    ...Have I hurt myself.
    Through various means and methods of coping I have dealt.

    This is a recent revelation. I do not know exactly why I began. It was such a long time ago...when I was eleven..or twelve, I used to dig thumbtacks into my left thumb's knuckle. What does it mean? What did I need to cope with? I am definitely not a victim of an unloved childhood nor had I experienced any intense trauma. Thus the source is a blatant mystery. Mayhaps it is something my memory has blocked out, for I cannot recall any sort of event that could have drawn me to this for the life of me.

    I remember doing it sitting in the same room as my grandparents. Just curled up with my knees hiding my handiwork...

    Now, though, I am older. I put thought and emotion into the red i seep. I have changed my weapon and the injury's position to make sure it's a secret I keep. Though the reason always changes the region always stays the same. The interval in which it occurs varies from months to days.

    I wish I could understand the root...but then, what human can truly define another?

    This is the realization I leave you all with.

    - Henry
  2. riz

    riz Senior Member

    Well, I have been SI'ing for 11 years now, and when I look back--I know why I started, but I can't believe how young I was when it began.

    I don't know where to begin to help you find your reasons why, because even mine are so complex. I'm still uncovering new reasons and finding more that I've been through.

    I'm really sorry that self injury has been your release. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone, and I really hope that you find your way to recovery.

    Good luck hun, and if you need anything, PM me.

    With love, :lips:
  3. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    now i started to think, i used to slap myself when i was younger. i had 9 or 10 years and everytime things didn´t go as planned i used to slap myself really hard, untill my face was red, of course i changed it with time but i´ve just remember it thanks to this post. thanks!
  4. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    hey, ms. jane!
    i hadn't seen you on msn in a spell...hope things are decent in your life.

    if i'm not the only one who did this sort of thing......i wonder how many others will remember things like this because of what i've written..
  5. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    IT is a really good post. we can find out it`s not something "of the moment" and that it`s been with us since the beggining. Metallica was right....Sad But True...
    My life...well i`m working on a night shift and i hope to start college in february. i moved with my boyfriend and everything seems fine. I`m not ok, but i try to manage si and the urge everyday. i hope you'reok
  6. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    I remember the first times I si'd I was like 5 and I would scrape my hands against the cement...
  7. the recluse

    the recluse New Member

    my younger years were kind of similar - i remember being very very young, and always squeezing cuts and scrapes to make them bleed more, 'accidentally' cutting my fingers every time i had to pick up broken glass, or pulling cuts apart once they started to heal to see them bleed again.

    what's kind of curious to me, though, is that i know the point in time at which my self-harm began to be a conscious coping strategy, rather than something i just happened to do my whole life. i wonder if other people who were like this as kids also had that turning point, or whether it just kind of smoothly transitioned?

    there's no psychological research on it (starting as a kid) that i know of, but it might be interesting to consider. sadly my thesis only lets me study so much about SH at once :)
  8. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    ms. jane: it is good to hear that things are on the way up for you.
    melinda: i found it ironic that miss jane mentioned metallica and then you show up with your nickname here.

    recluse and melinda:
    if this is indeed as frequent as it sounds, it seems to me like a sort of developmental experimentation. only...pain related and nonsexual. (well, in my case, at least.)
    maybe we became fixated...but what kid never picked a scab? honestly.
    i also definitely remember when my si began to have definite (seemingly-) valid justification.

    that's my new thought.

    - Henry
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