Since September of 2008

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Jun 9, 2010.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Since my grandfather passed away, I live with two nags. My mother and my grandmother are both impossible. Yes, I love them but living with them makes everything hard and I can not wait until the day where I have the security to leave. The only time I have peace is when they go out shopping. All they do is bitch. They both have loud mouths. It is not that bad when it is only my grandmother at home or only my mother, but both of them at the same time is soooooo bad. My mom is basically annoying and almost childish. I sometimes attribute it to the fact that she is a youngest child. Seriously, I have more maturity than her. She will loudly baby talk to the dog for hours. It makes me want to kill somebody. My grandmother is a nervous wreck most of the time. She watches television way too much and she mostly watches the news. Then, she makes a big deal out of all the negative stories she hears and she overestimates the crime rate. Most of the time she can't even understand the stories she watches because her comprehension of English is terrible. If I ever want to go out late, she will start yelling about some story she heard on television. Lately, I really miss my grandfather. He was so quiet and just peaceful. Although he was ten years older than my grandmother, he was not as uptight and old fashioned as my grandmother because he was actually educated. My mom can be liberal with me sometimes too now that I am actually an adult, but she is much too clingy and attached. I wish she would have had more children. My dad has other kids, so he doesn't give a damn about me. I'm not saying that is good, but maybe my mother wouldn't be so controlling if there were other kids she had to worry about. We fight about everything. She even will not accept the fact that I have different taste in men than she does. Honestly, the closest my mom and I were was last summer when we were literally an ocean apart. We talked on the phone everyday, but I didn't have a constant nag! My grandmother loosened up without my mother as well.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sounds like they are both pretty insecure people. Sorry you're stuck in the middle. Keep posting about it. Wont make it stop but atleast you wont have it locked up inside. Use this place as your space to be a loud mouth and bitch all you need to make the moment feel a little better :arms:
     
  3. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    My mother is never nurturing. She expects me to have a hard as nails approach. She is just not a sensitive person. She has zero imagination. Every time I tell her my dreams, she dismisses them... Lately, she can not express affection towards anybody. She only shows love for the dog. My grandmother is a pretty hard woman too. Neither of them understand what I am going through. The torment of the abandonment of my father. Sorry, mom, I understand he is your ex-husband, but that is my dad! It hurts me way more than it hurts you!!!! He will forever resent me because I remind him of my mother. Husbands can sometimes be replaced. A father can not.

    Yesterday, I started raging on my mom. She started talking about her old friend D. Basically, this woman's mother died of diabetes at a young age. My mother started saying how D was a terrible person for not taking care of her mother and not bringing her mother to live with her. I responded that maybe her husband didn't want that. Then, mom started saying how all D does is go along with what her husband says. I started shouting, "Maybe he is all she has." I do not like this woman D, but I was compelled to stick up for her for the fact that she is a woman who also grew up without a father, so while everybody gossips about her being clingy and not leaving her abusive husband, I think they have no right to judge. My mother had the most loving father, so she will never know that pain and how it affects every single relationship. How much it leaves you longing for a man, sometimes a dominant man that can fill that void.
    Now, I am crying madly because they just don't know! My grandmother and mother are so harsh and they just can't understand. On the other hand, my grandfather was a great man who understood because he also grew up without a father. Of course it is a little different for a boy versus a girl, but there is still always a lack of security. My grandfather never showed any compassion towards my father when he came around because he knew about the pain he had caused me. On the other hand, my grandmother will treat my dad like royalty despite what he has done to me and my mother. She does not understand because she grew up with her father as well and from the stories I hear, they were very close.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Have you ever thought about writing a letter to your Mom? Telling her from your prospective how life without her exhusband is for you. How you need a Dad especially when she doesnt want to understand your Hell. That you were robbed because you had no choice in your father leaving your life.

    Obviously it is too painful for you and not important enough for her for the two of you to remain calm when it comes to discussing this face to face.

    I'm not saying she wont get upset by reading your words. But atleast you have the security of knowing she now has no excuse to not know your feelings. What you're struggling with. What she does with that information is up to her. But atleast you know she has no reason not to know where you're at right now.

    And keep posting here. Keep letting it out. If nothing else, it's a place for you to release some of the anger that all this is causing you. Some of the hurt that you cant make your Mom and Grandma see or understand. Others here do understand. So please keep putting it out here :arms:
     
  5. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    My mom is annoying me sooooo much now. Her and my grandmother had went out. It was such a peaceful hour. I accomplished so much writing. Now, they are back home. Mom is especially annoying me. At least my grandmother brought me a candy back because she sees I am not well. My mother just keeps being annoying. She makes me more nervous. The way she eats, the way she lays on her bed. I feel so at peace when they are NOT home. I just LOVE being alone lately. This stupid girl wants me to go out tonight, but I am just not up for it. I rather just stay here and reflect... She will probably act like more of a bit** than usual because she is bringing her BF with. Back in March when she was still single, it was ok to go clubbing with her and we had some really fun nights, but I am just not interested anymore. I know if I go out with her that I will just come back feeling worse. I need to make friends who understand me. Not people who just always want to be in competition and make wise cracks in a pathetic attempt to feel better about themselves.
     
  6. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    My head is pounding. My mother and grandmother won't shut up. I haven't gotten good sleep in sooo long. I ended up going out with my friend yesterday only to witness her and her bf get into a big argument. So embarrassing.