Single Mom - No Support

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Ashlynn, Jul 17, 2007.

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  1. Ashlynn

    Ashlynn New Member

    Hi Everyone.

    I am glad to have found this site. I am a single mother of 2 children. They have different biological fathers, but neither of them have HAD fathers. One father died - and he and I split up before our child was born, so he didn't have a HUGE amount to do in raising our child. The other father left me after I gave birth to our baby. (Nice - eh?)

    I have been through a lot in my life, but I have achieved quite a bit in spite of it all. I'll be 40 soon and have recently become unable to work (about 3 years ago . . ???). I do receive Disability - and in fact my income now is very close to what it was when I was working fulltime. However - there was a small bit of time (a few months anyway) - when I didn't have $$$ coming in, and I got behind in my bills and have not been able to catch up. As much as I've tried to contact my creditors and work something out - well, for some reason they have not been AT ALL people willing to work with me. Currently I have had my gas shut off for about 2 months now. I also just barely missed having the electricity turned off. Not to mention trying to decide whether to buy toilet paper or juice.

    Anyway - what makes me SO VERY HURT & SAD is that I DO have family in the area. But for some reason, they have it fixed in their minds that I am a BAD person and DESERVE to have these hard times. Not only will they not lend me any money (which I could understand and accept) but they will not SPEAK TO ME or my kids. ????????????????????????????????????????????

    I don't know why that is. I just know that I have been struggling with Major Depression (and have been seeing a therapist EVERY WEEK for the past 2 years and am doing better) - and they seem to not believe there is any such thing because they act as if I'm just being an irresponsible loser for not having a job.

    They obviously have no idea how much I am hurting. If they DO know and just don't care - well, I guess I'm better without them, right???? But they are all the "popular people" in our community. They got the nice cars, nice homes, nice clothing, nice friends. And they do all the things that good-looking nice, normal people do, such as: have cook-outs, rent cabins on the lake, vacation on the islands when it's winter, etc. So I realize they are very busy with their nice normal lives. But I believe they do DONATE time & money to the nice, normal CHARITIES in our community. Could they possibly just ONCE maybe call me or my kids on the phone and say hello?

    Ultimately, it's my FATHER who has hurt me. He divorced my mother when I was 16 or 17 and just never was my father again. And my mother is seriously mentally ill (psychosis) - so she can't really be relied upon, of course. But my father lives practically within walking distance, and he has ignored me or been brusque with me for the past 24 years. I feel as if he'd just assume I die and get out of his hair. Even though I have basically stayed "out of his hair" for the past 24 years.

    He has HIS new family and new kids - and it's feels as if his view of me is, "Get your own life. You are my PAST. Don'tcha get it?? GO AWAY!!!"

    I just feel as if I have nobody right now when I really need someone. So I am so happy to have found this forum.

    Sorry to ramble so long,
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF Ashlynn. I can relate to the single parenting you refer to. I am raising my 4 children on my own. Things can sometimes be rather difficult, not only financially but physically and emotionally as well. i am sorry that you family has not been a source of support for you. It is they that are missing out on the joys of you and your children. Someday they will regret it. Despite all your struggles. don't be afraid to walk with your head held high and be proud of your accomplishments. You sound as if you are doing the best you can by your children. That is definitely an accomplishment that is not easily done in this day and age where it usually takes the income of two people to support a family. Keep up the good work and don't let your family get to you. Maybe at some point you will feel the time is right to approach them and try to reopen the lines of communication. I hope that someday becomes a reality for you. Take care. :hug:
  3. welcome to the forum, Ashlynn :)

    we're glad you found us.

    Last edited: Jul 17, 2007
  4. Ashlynn

    Ashlynn New Member

    Thanks Blessed Lady and Gabby for the very thoughtful & friendly welcome. I am really feeling blessed to have found such a special forum. You both are here because you have had some great sadness of your own, yet you reach out to the newcomers!??? If any blessings are being passed out, I hope they go to you both and to all of the other special people here who play such a significant roll in helping the grieving. I know it takes energy and selflessness to do this sometimes.

    Anyway - I hope I can be a comfort to others too.

    Thanks again for the welcome,
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.

    If you ever need anything or just want to talk feel free to pm this little white dove anytime...
  6. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Hello, and first of all I'd like to congratulate you for being a single mum. One of the toughest jobs around, that doesnt get paid unfortunately. And for your partner to leave after the birth of your child is terrible. And no support from your family. You said you want then to call you. (you probably have) but if things are that bad I'm sure you could get in contact with them and plead your case. I'm sure they wouldnt want you, or at least your children to go without...
  7. Ashlynn

    Ashlynn New Member

    Hi White Dove & Blackness. I feel honored to be welcomed by the both of you. I had checked out some of your prior posts, and you both are very giving to others here. I would be very interested in knowing what brought you both here (if you'd ever like to p.m. me about it - I'd love to know).

    White Dove - I actually looked up some of your prior posts on the first day I was browsing this forum. I guess I read one of your recent posts where you were obviously feeling really crappy, and someone posted back how your post was uncharacteristic of you, blah, blah, blah . . . so I decided I had to know more about you. I did learn through my searching that you have a serious health issue. I would be very interested in hearing more from you via p.m. if you are interested. I believe that I may know of someone who is going through something very similar.

    Let me just say now so I don't disappoint anyone: I don't use the CHAT tools right now, I only correspond privately via p.m.'s. I have difficulty "chatting" because I usually have to keep leaving my computer because one kid or another always needs me when I get on the computer. So I just don't even bother with "chatting" anymore. And I don't use my email for other than business matters. So - just so people know. I don't want anyone to feel offended if I refuse an offer to trade email addresses or to chat in a chat room. (Ya - like I'm THAT popular!! :rolleyes: Who does this obnoxious new chick think she is anyway!?! :blink:)

  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well i am glad that you felt honored by me and blackness. I dont know about blackness but for me i really should not even be an honor to anyone as i have several things that i have to deal with in my life and several reasons why i came here.. i will send you a pm when i feel up to talking with you about it... you can pm me anytime between now and then if you need to talk about anything as long as i am still here i will reply right back to you... take care hun...
  9. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hey there are welcome.i read your thread the other day.i had to go at the time so couldnt reply but told myself that i would come back so im sorry my reply is late but i guess here i am!!!i felt moved by your sounds like you have been thorough/are going through aso much and i think you hsould be proud of what youve survived.i hope you can continue to get through and that at some point things might even seem a littele brighter for you.i also hope you can find some support here.This is a remarkable site.Feel free to private message me if ever you want to talk or just someone to sit with etc.How are you doing now?
  10. Ashlynn

    Ashlynn New Member

    Kath said:
    Hi Kath. Thanks for your reply. I know I wrote a rather LONG post for an intro - so thanks for reading it at all. And I really appreciate the compliment about being proud of what I've survived, etc. I guess when I'm feeling OUT OF THE DARK CLOUD I might be able to look back and feel proud - ya know? But it's kinda hard to feel the pride when you're in it. But - it's true! And I DID say that to myself before - that no matter what ignorant things my family wants to think about me, I've actually been through a lot of tough times that were NOT my fault - and I did it ALONE and my children are still happy, healthy and well-adjusted.

    Anyway - I am doing BETTER. When I posted here I had NO MONEY and NO FOOD and NO HOT WATER where I live (due to my gas being shut off because I owe so much $$$). I also got to where I had NO TOILET PAPER!! So - that, plus a 7-year-old who is bored and hungry - was a bit MUCH for me to get through. But fortunately I have SOME money for now. And although they always say that "Money can't buy you happiness." I really would like to find out for myself if that is true. I still believe that I could get REALLY HAPPY if I were not in debt and could buy the things my family needs (and a few things that we WANT as well).

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