Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by NoGood, Jan 14, 2010.

  1. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone,

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of just over 7yrs. We wer dating since I was 16. Im not upset about the break up, we had fun and he is a nice person and we will stay friends, we just both grew up and matured differently. He is a great catch for someone but just not the one for me.

    Anyway, my concern isnt over the break up. When i start to think about being single again, I start to get extremely overwhelmed and freak out. I got so stressed about it, talking to a friend of mine that I just had to end the conversation and go to bed, and in bed i just lay there hyperventalating. Im still living with my now ex boyfriend, as we are overseas and im waiting on a flight to go home.

    So, I havnt done the whole 'dating' thing, as I met my bf at 16. So now im terrified that im going to be left alone, forever. Please dont call me silly because this is how i feel. I have a body image problem and im not very confident in person. I dont like nightclubs and I dont have any group hobbies. So where does a single 23 year old meet someone nice these days?? I also have high standards (probably too high). Being with my boyfriend for so long, I now know what I want and what I dont want. Its almost like a mental checklist haha. But I just dont know how to get myself out there.

    I dont realy wanna meet people online cause the thought of having to meet them on an arranged date scares me. Id rather kinda bump into someone and have a real life spark.

    Anyone any comments or support or advice???

  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Am I the only person in this position??? :(
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Kate I'd love to give you advice but I'm a cougar according to many. :tongue:

    You are such a warm and caring young lady. And you have a great sense of humor ( that was humor offering me a chair pool side right? lol). And an inner strength that will carry you through this too. I know very cliche but dont worry it will happen hun. Easier said than done but try to put the negative thoughts into a positive spin and think about the fun of being single. Enjoy it for awhile. Rediscover you. Take a break for a bit. Then grab a long rope and some good home cooked meals and set a trap!!! lmao! The really good ones out there seem to have a weak spot for food :eek:hmy:
  4. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Note to self - look for the fatties haha.

    Thanks Carla.

    Its just a bit scary because he is all ive known for the last 7years, i was in college for 5yrs and he has been through alot with me. Ya know when you are young and you fall in love and you become consummed with that person. Ive a handful of true good friends and unfortunately for me, they are all in happy long term relationships. But I have a really good friend who says she will go out to places and clubs with me and do the single thing with me even though she has a boyfriend. Just girlie nights out dancing.

    I think I have to work on me to be able to attract a guy to start with. Gotta work on my appearance but more importantly, work on my confidence and self worth.

    HAHA - I know I have the answers within and all I can do is just go with the situation because it is outta my control.

    You are so sweet to reply to this thread Caral, you knew I needed to just read a reply, your such a kind person. (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
  5. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Hey Kate

    I agree with Carla (especially about the home-cooked meals, that'll work every time) Coming out of a long-term relationship is scary and the temptation to go out with some useless twat just to avoid being alone can be huge. Concentrate on finding out who you are as an individual and being happy in your own company, you'll have much better relationships when you do start dating again if you're confident in yourself. I've been single for over a year and a half and all my friends are in long term relationships too. It can be really hard some times but being single doesn't mean you're a failure or anything like that. You sound like a very nice, switched-on young woman so I doubt you'll have any trouble bagging a good one. Just don't rush into anything until you're ready.

    Take care :hug:
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Trust me on this one. Appearance is really only something that afflicts the young. As you get older you tend to be much more kinder to yourself regarding your appearance. And honestly so do those around you. Which makes you really appreciate yourself much more.

    If you like you then others see that and they like you to. So be comfortable with who you are on the inside and out. Besides if someone is interested in you only because of what you look like then that isnt the person that is going to be concerned about making you happy. It's too bad we werent all made to look the same on the outside because it's the inside that makes you who you are. The outside is just like the wrapping paper on a gift. Once you get past that you find the surprise that was hidden underneath. And Kate you are one terrific present filled with a lot of surprises.

    I'm sure you've seen the pics that the magazines love to show. Movie stars without their make up and runway gowns. Wow!!! Amazing what a lot of money and a talented make up artist can do for a person. But that isnt the real person. When you see those pics you understand why all the top movie stars are the best at what they do. Pretend. Because most of them when they arent all dolled up you'd pass them on the street and not even notice. And even better.... they all have problems, just like you and me. Fears, pain, issues about confidence, self worth etc.

    So hun dont be so hard on yourself. Oh and learn to cook!!!:wink:
  7. Sidewalk Slam

    Sidewalk Slam Well-Known Member

    I'm going to have to say.. it seems that 75% of the time with things like this, if you just forget about it you'll bump into the answer when you least expect it. And it will be better than it would have any other way.
  8. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the replies. I really appreciate them.

    Slam - your right, when you least expect it, thats when someone comes outta the blue but its hard to sit back and wait. Alone, unloved, with 2 cats, a rom com dvd and a take away on a saturday night ha.

    Mal - thanks for your reply :) I totally agree the temptation is there to just settle for someone or even to stick it out with my ex but Im not happy with either of those options so I just gotta hold out untill it feels right. I do protray confidence I think, I put on a good mask even though its only pretend but its a starting point. Hopefully my confidence might actually grow now that im single, if i get approached by guys. I have been on someones arm for 7yrs so i havnt been chatted up or flirted with in quite a while. haha

    Carla - you are so good!!! I know it really is whats inside that counts! But its the shiny wrapping paper that gets the attention first off. Its funny cos I wanna go for an older guy this time, not sure why and im not ruling anyone out, I just seem to get along with older guys better.

    I joined a online dating/friendship site and ive had a few hits on that. At the moment im getting to know 2 guys and its fun. But its easy because I know we wont take that step to meet untill im home and thats like a comfort blanket to me. Cause when I do think about a date with these guys, I start to panic and think of ackward silences and first impressions and how replusive i am and the hunt for a date outfit (im flat broke and hate shopping and im a weird shape at 6ft). It just freaks me out. And then when i think about how i can meet people in real life, all i can think of are nightclubs and pubs and i dont drink or particularly like crowded clubs. Ahhh i dunno, I know stressing about it doesnt help but I do think im doomed. I do have a pretty face but the rest fo me is a complete let down including whats inside.
  9. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'm single and will be until I die.

    Oh well...

    You seem nice enough, as well as your a girl so guys will take the initiative with you. Outlook is high.
  10. Sidewalk Slam

    Sidewalk Slam Well-Known Member

    If you haven't heard of it try I usually don't give a crap at all about dating sites, but one of my friends has made many friends and a boyfriend through that site. I signed up too to try to make friends, though there's no girls on it in my area.. all college bro guys looking for chicks to bang on the weekend (I already have a boyfriend and would never allow myself to be 'banged' by a macho stuck up college 'bro' in my life). I have high hopes for the site and if and when I move to Reno I'm going to try to meet some friends with it. =]

    Also forgot to add that my said friend has a lot of problems.. bipolar, schizophrenia and probably social anxiety.. I know she's just as shy as me. So that just gives me hope that there's neat people on the site if she's as shy as me and made friends on it.
  11. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Aww thats cool Slam - good luck to you too then :)

    I really dont wanna do the whole internet dating thing. Ill give the old fashioned way a try first and see how i go :)

    Thanks everyone. x
  12. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    Hi Katie, all the advice I can give is try not to be in any rush to get into a relationship, go slow.
    Make getting to know the person your priority when your comfortable datign again.
    And Yes I will agree those home cooked meals to work, they sure do work on me lol

    And yeah it can be tough finding places to meet ppl, in all honesty that's my problem right now.

    I did have a interesting experience this past week, I seemed to have opened someone's eyes to put it bluntly, I was flattered and all, but she was not my she is married anyways.

    but thats just an example on how tough it can be to find someone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2010
  13. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Thanks Alan, yea i think im going to try to enjoy being single rather than rush into a full on relationship. Ill enjoy dating for a while. Just dont know where to meet other single people. Im sure ill be fine - fingers crossed. It aint happening for another while anyway.

    I was freaking out about what to wear on a date......i dont even have a date yet and im freaking out about the small stuff haha. Im excited but terrified at the same time.
  14. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I'm in the exact same boat ><
    Started dating my bf of 7 years at 15, and now I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm over him and finally ready to start seeing other people...

    do not have a freaking clue.
  15. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    you 2 are lucky, I have so much damn trouble finding a date.
    Heh I even went on eharmony just to see if it could find anyone near me who would be a match..nope not a single person.
    I think its allergic to me.
    or maybe there is just not anyone out there for me.
    Part of me really don't want to care, but I am getting tot he point I hate being alone.
  16. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I know its shitty but when you least expect it, it will come knocking. I actually believe that. Before i got with my now ex, i was dating a guy for a couple of months, he stood me up on new years ever (i know what a bollox right!!!) but 11 days later, I met my ex. So i think it just comes along in its own time.

    Im terrified cos i havent dated since 16 and awww its just scary. Im going to take time out for a while and work on me :)