My partner and I are going to get separated. I'm feeling very down and empty. What's hard is we're still very good friends. I spent my evening crying yesterday. I'm freaking scared to be on my own again after nine years. I have suicidal thoughts, terrible thoughts. I'm far from friends and family. Jobless. I left everything for him nine years ago. I've had great difficulties to make friends here. I feel so down and tired I'd rather die. Those who know me here know I've had a shit of a life. Now it's always getting worse. XXX and it'll be done.