Sinking in a vast expanse

Discussion in 'Midnight Owl' started by Axiom, Sep 30, 2010.

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  1. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Last night I dreamt I was above water. I can't recall where, either on the surface or on a boat, but it was a vast ocean further than my eyes could see. And then i fell. I plunged through the surface and deep under. I felt no fear, but a feeling of vulnerability from every angle of me. The only way I can explain it is, if you have ever backed yourself into a corner, feeling that your back was secure and your front wasnt, the feeling I had when I plunged in was that suddenly my back was unsecure, my feet were unsecure, my existence was unsecure. Everything about me was open and aware and exposed. I didnt feel fear, I felt helpless. And I was sinking. But i felt it was going to be ok, and I kept sinking into this sort of dark tintish green watery void that was endless. I sank further until the distance between me and the surface was becoming great, and my thoughts ran to how long can I hold my breath. It didn't matter to me, I felt without hope without strength. Letting this void do what it was doing I had no desires except to let go. And I knew I should get to the surface. I swam for a moment but i felt more tired and even more lathargic. The connection between saving myself and my feelings was not there. I cared less for the surface and more for nothing. Inside I was sinking more but without fear. It was as if the spark of life, the emotional bounce was what was fading. And i swam still. I still swam. But the motion of my arms and legs, the surface, none of it ignited my feelings. I felt an eery peace the whole time. And even though I reached the surface, I still feel it deep inside. Right now still. Yet the sensations of sound smell thought touch are giving me a bounce I can use. My thoughts saved me, but my emotions, my feelings fell.

    My feelings will recover, my thoughts are there enough to keep me semi balanced. But it was a... wonderful dream
     
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