Sinking lower

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fooror, Aug 9, 2010.

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  1. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    I'm getting really scared. I'm sinking lower everyday. I've been thinking about killing myself all weekend, and researching methods the whole time. I even did a preliminary test on one method (not an attempt) to see what it might feel like.

    I'm frightened that if I sink much lower, I might suddenly decide to try. And it would probably be one of the more sure methods too, so would probably be game over for me.

    Should I go to hospital or something? Is there aything they could do?
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I think going to hospital would be a good idea. They would hopefully offer you some additional support- but what that is will depend on what they think would benefit you the most.

    Going sooner rather than later would be better.
  3. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    Thanks scum, i'm currently considering it.

    I think at the very least, i will try and get a few days off work sick, as it is easier being at home than it is at work.

    I think i'm feeling more trapped than suicidal. I can't see any way out of my problems, and so view suicide as the final way out. But i don't really consider that as an option either, as it would hurt my family. So it feels like having no options at all.

    As in my initial post, i guess i am worried that i might start to 'properly' consider the final option :/

    Need to be strong.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That bolded sentence is an incredibly self aware sentence and that knowledge will hopefully save your life because you don't want to die, you just want things to change. When you're feeling totally wretched, that's completely understandable.

    Can you explain what things/feelings/situations/people you are feeling trapped by?

    Going back to the doc to be signed off sick is a good idea if it gives you some space and time. Is work one of the things you are having issues with?

    Please keep talking :)
  5. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    Yeah work is rubbish. Good chance I'm going to lose my job, which means losing house, debt for 20 years, life destroyed. At least, this is the way my stupid brain interprets it.

    If all the above does happen, I will have to accept it and try to start again....which I will do. It's actually getting through the above though that bothers me, I've been a walking zombie for the last month, don't want to do it anymore.

    Still, I'll get through it in the end. I'll probably look back at this thread in 6 months and think 'wtf was I on!'
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    How comes you will lose your job?

    I think its important to realise that yes, its a horrid situation to lose your job, but there are many outcomes from it, and losing your house, etc, are the worst case scenarios and they very rarely happen.

    Do you think it might help to have a proactive plan in place for that if you do lose your job you have a plan to follow which might help relieve some of the pressure?
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    talk to your boss see what can be put in place so you don't loose job okay maybe they will work with you illness perhaps shorter hours etc. ask your psych doctor to review your medication as you should not be in a zombie state too much meds maybe take care
  8. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    Made quite a few mistakes there, which I think will get me fired.

    You are right though, these are the worst case scenarios. I suffer with generalised anxiety and cannot help but think this way; believe me, I have tried. I know plenty of people that would just say 'meh' if they were in my situation.

    I think all it is, is that I had loads of depression and anxiety my whole life, and have developed ways to survive it. The severity of this particular episode is new to me though, and so am having problems coping with my established methods i.e. I've never had suicidal thoughts before (well, not really).

    Reading and ranting on here is definitely helpful. Plus the good advice from people such as yourself. :)
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Have you ever tried CBT? If not, it might be worth a trying. Something like the book 'Mind over Mood' by Christine Padesky might be worth checking out. That book is basically DIY CBT and is what Clinicians often work through with clients (don't accidently get the clinicians guide though). You might find it helps ease what's going on.
  10. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    You could go to the hospital, or you coul do what I do, and pray. Either way it is doing something. :hug: hang in there! You do not need to destroy yourself for things to change! Blessings..
  11. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    Thanks Daphna :)

    I'm not going to say that I have tried it, because I haven't. Reading a website and 'trying' it out for 15 minutes doesn't count, though I like to tell myself it does, lol.

    I think I have made some headway in changing the way I think by myself, which is really hard for me as I'm extremely analytical and find it difficult to not consider 'everything'. Been doing pretty well over the past year, so am quite annoyed at myself for 'lulling'.

    Thanks for the book suggestion. Coincidentally, my gp suggested the same.
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