Hi there, i've posted once before a number of years ago and responses really helped me, I think a plateau like these forums make me feel more secure in divulging really personal information that I just cannot share with friends and family. I am 24, and have been with my first love since we were 18. We have had ups and downs like most couples, perhaps more than is healthy but we've always come out stronger than previous. After university I have struggled to find a job in the current climate (1.5 years to be precise) and as a result think I have become very emotionally dependent on my ex. I went round to hers yesterday and she told me she'd been unhappy for a while and wanted to split up, now we've split up in the past a number of times (always her decision) but have always gotten back together within a week. However this time she has made it clear she doesn't even want to be friends as she thinks I'll get the wrong idea. Call my silly, but I find it impossible to switch off an emotional connection that i've shared with this girl (my first relationship) everyday for the past 6/7 years. We've done everything together, been through so much and now to sit here and think that she is happy to block me out of her life and doesn't want to even know how I am doing makes me feel sick. Last night I had some support from family, and felt confident for an hour or so but as soon as I am alone I only think about the woman I love, my best friend and my soul mate. Utterly crushed I didn't sleep a wink and just looked through the box of memories i keep of everything we've been through together all night. All i hear from people is that it gets better bit by bit every day, but it will only be a matter of time before she finds someone else and whatever progress I will have made will just spiral out of control at the mere thought of her with another man. I've never even thought about another woman since I was 18, never been tempted, just been so incredibly happy with what I thought was true and perfect love. I struggle to see me ever picking myself up from this, and am finding myself looking at the most effective ways of suicide mere hours after i've been heartbroken. I'm not looking for divine answers that are going to change my life, I don't even know if any response will help me. I don't really know who I am reaching out to here. I want to believe that maybe she will take me back in a month, a year - but I know how ridiculous it is to try and wait for someone who clearly doesn't want to spend her live with me. So this leaves me to wonder, do I run infront of a train? Do i jump from a building? Do I go and beg her to take me back? I can't eat, I can't sleep, I love her so much.