sister screams (revised)

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by Lentil Illness, Feb 7, 2006.

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  1. Lentil Illness

    Lentil Illness Well-Known Member

    your screaming face
    encapsulates the horror
    as your world shatters

    inside your mouth I am
    hanging from your epiglottis,
    your life, your universe in tatters

    and there forever I shall hang
    in my dark demise you will wallow
    moments of breathing space
    a break from the pain,
    eradicated each time you swallow

    your features are
    contorted, surreal and
    distorted the etched
    harrowing lines meander
    like rivers

    collecting the tears
    redirecting the tears
    into the cold arctic sea
    as you shiver

    with all the force of an
    atomic bomb, the news
    it breaks like raucous
    rolling ruthless thunder,
    you scream voicelessly
    at the sarcastic sky, the
    battered wraithlike nuclear
    sky, as the ground drags
    you deeper seeping under

    so cruelly

    your world, your life
    torn asunder
    left with nothing but anguish
    and waning wonder

    the ocean of your tears, grows older with the years
    but the agony does not diminish

    scream I scream I fade to finish
  2. BrokenPieces

    BrokenPieces Well-Known Member

    I really liked this one more! i was done so well...

    Keep up the good work!
  3. Lentil Illness

    Lentil Illness Well-Known Member

    scream won't stop me.
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    My God you're good!!:smile: I like all your things but found this one particularly succinct. You pack a lot of meaning into very few words. Which is the original meaning of the maxim: "Brevity is the soul of wit" - which means "wisdom" not 'funny'. Your poems are wise. You have so much to say about so many different things, and say them so well. They all read beautifully aloud also. Also loved your dream within a dream within. What more can I say?? I hope your life is at least a bit bearable. I would be sad to know that this gorgeous poetry is coming from a wellspring of despair. Your poetry is beautiful tho, no matter what part of you it comes from.:yes:

    You might consider publication possibilities, if you haven't already. Some of your things remind me of John Berryman, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson, and e e cummings, and others. I love their poetry but can't say they are 'better' than yours. Yours are fucking incredible revelations in rythmn, and sometimes rhymin reason.:goodjob: :goodone:

    much love to you, my poetess friend across the lake,:hug: :flowers: :cheekkiss

    love, Sooz xoxoxox
  5. Lentil Illness

    Lentil Illness Well-Known Member

    Thanking you both.

    I have been drinking myself stupid and trying to rework some older stuff - from garbled mess to slightly less garbled mess!


  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni


    Drinking yourself stupid doesn't seem to have any deleterious effect on your beautiful flowing melodic poetry, tho it may have some serious effects on your health, both mental and physical. I don't drink myself except for a gin and tonic a few times a year. I have another substance I depend on for release from anxiety and depression.:wink: But everyone is entitled to have their own personal crutch to lean on when in danger of falling.

    Your poetry has always been extraordinarily beautiful and insightful, but seems to be becoming more so lately. I hope so desperately and pray consistently that you are alright. I love you and love reading your writings and don't want anything bad to happen to you. I would be quite distraught.

    I still, even more so, think you should be published. Your works are as good as or better than many published and well known poets. Can you "self publish" in the UK? My sister lives in NYC and just self published a book about her career as a midwife. Is that a possibility for you, or would that require more money than you can afford? I sure would like to see your poetry in a book. I'd buy several copies and give them to my friends and family, except for the one for me... which I would want you to autograph for me!:smile:

    I'm curious where you came by your delightful and extensive ability with language/writing. However it came about, it has served you well. You are certainly gifted in poetic expression, my friend.:yes: :flowers: :clap: :cheer: And I like and am grateful for the little peek inside your soul that you allow me in reading your poems. I like what I see in there!:smile: You must be a truly beautiful person to be able to express such beauty with the written word. I am awed by your talent.

    Hoping all is well with you. I'm sending positive thoughts and Hope and Good Cheer to you via T-mail.

    love always, Sooz xoxoxox:goodjob: :hug: :flowers:
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    awesome writing :heart:
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