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Empathy Only Sister

LostInDreamland

Well-Known Member
#1
I (26f) was chitchatting with my sister (she is older by about 4 years) and I brought up body image and how mom contributed to my negative self image. My sister was shocked that I blamed mom because she can't remember mom ever saying or doing anything related to fat shaming. My sister said that she 'only promoted being healthy'. And while my sister did have body image issues as well she claimed that mom had nothing to do with that.

I remember mom saying that she didn't want us (her kids) to 'end up like her' as she looked at us disappointed. And how when I was a teen and complained that my knees were hurting that it was just from the extra weight and if I lost weight they would feel better. And how after hearing how much I weighed said that I 'carried the weight well' because I had bigger breasts than my sister.

As I am talking with her (trying to turn the conversation elsewhere) I realized that she also had a lot to do with my negative body image. She always comments on my breast size whenever there is a chance to, how she would take half, and how guys will hit on me (which I find really creepy and I hate it) but have never done that to her. She also says the same thing our mom does about weight whether it is about herself or me or anyone. At the same time saying that mom never fat shamed us and my sister is not fat shaming anyone either. Prefacing a comment with 'well I'm not fat shaming you but...' does not negate the rest of the comment from being hurtful and fat shaming (examples - you are overweight... you need to eat healthy... the clothes that you are most comfortable in make you look fatter...)
 

the.end.ish

Misknown Member
#2
I'm sorry your mom was not more accepting of you the way you are. I think my mom has also passed on her insecurities to me and society makes us believe they're true. People dont just let people be what they are and they dont allow us to be happy in what and who we are. Many people will say they're simply concerned about others health but this just isnt true. Health is not society's main criticism of overweight people.

There was a time I was overweight and I began to accept my body and love myself and so many people did their best to tear me down.. people who were my friends. Some of the people tearing me down seemed to be jealous of this confidence. How could I, an overweight person, have more confidence than them to be comfortable in my body? They who deprived themselves of several pleasures to be stick thin.

This is all to say I can empathize with your situation and I'm really sorry you didnt have a more positive body image growing up. I hope you can start to be ok with your body in spite of that.
 

Shelly

Well-Known Member
#3
I have four older brothers who would pick on my weight for as long as i can remember.
Now that we’re older, they do it subtly, like my one particular older brother who told me that his sleeping pills helped him curved his appetite helping him to lose weight, that i should consider taking some, he has never been overweight his entire life, how despite him knowing i have gerd still offers me coffee because it helps with metabolism.
Mental health has somewhat thought me to become empathic, he has one too but he still lacks empathy like the rest of my family do.

I’m struggling with weight/body image/confidence my entire life. Body positivity is much easier said than done specially what you went through, I’m sorry, you dont deserve to feel that way.
Their words have thought us to hate ourselves but their criticism is much more reflective of who they are and not about you, like projecting their personal issues towards you, it’s sick.

If we get rid of other people’s opinions about ourselves, we soon realize there’s really nothing wrong with us, we’re okay with ourselves...
 

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