Discussion in 'Welcome' started by icouldntsleepfordays, Apr 22, 2010.

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  1. 7th February 2010 I lost my 18 year old sister to suicide, she was found in our family living room I know it's weird but I always find comfort in that room. My sister was my world, my bestfriend, my only friend.. I knew she was depressed but I never thought she was capable of suicide, I feel like my insides have been ripped out and left me numb and incapable of doing anything. I just keep thinking of how miserable she must have been and it hurts SO SO SO much the fact she felt this was her only option at just 18, I'm 20 and I know how hard it can be at that age.. I just feel like I'm in a hole that I can't get myself out of, life is so undesirable to me I just want it all to be over. I can't do it though, at least not to my mum and my family those are the only reason I'm even still here, I couldn't put my family through this pain again it's unimaginably devistating.. but I can't help my thoughts, my feelings I just want this show to be over soon.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Please accept my sympathy for your loss of your sister to suicide. Grieving takes time, please don't sell yourself short by trying to stop grieving before your need for it is completed. Have you sought a bereavement group in your area?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    the suffering you are going thru i am so sorry I hope you and your family are getting support to get thru this awful sadness. Please don't suffer through this on your own it is too hard i know i lost my brother to suicide and the pain was just too great. Please reach out and get therapy for you okay to guide you through the pain the grief i am sorry your sister was in so much pain she just could not see clearly enough to reach out for help.
  4. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    It always seems to be the ones we least suspect...

    I'm very sorry for your loss. There are many members here who understand your pain, and I hope you can find comfort in that.

    As for hanging on for your family members, I'm on the same boat with that one. I'm hanging on for my mom.

    Sorry for rambling. Welcome to the forums. :)
  5. Thanks for replying. I know I shouldn't be going through this alone but I feel so compelled to be on my own, the only way I can vent my feelings is through my writing. I could never open up to my mum about I feel, we don't have that kind of relationship and I know she has lost her youngest daughter and is most probably hurting much more than me, but she has managed to go on, she's back at work, she's doing her usual choirs. I've had to drop out of college and quit work, I just can't face any of it. I have talked to my friends about it the coming weeks after her death, but now I feel as though none of them understand what I'm going through, which I've told them and they understand.. But now 3 months on when ever I bring up her name it seems to bring blank stares, so I don't particularly like talking about her. I just want someone to understand exactly what I'm going through, it really is hard to do this alone. My head, it's just not there anymore.. I feel like detaching myself from the world to sit in my room and never leave, I don't want to face the world any more, I just see it as a really dark, cruel place to be in.
  6. It's okay. It's nice knowing someone understands how you feel, tell more if you wish.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. :hug: I hope you'll find support and friendship here. Have you considered possibly going to grief counseling?
  8. Thank you =] I went to see my doctor about help a few weeks ago and she suggested a mental health counselor, I haven't really got round to making an appointment though. I've never actually done anything like that before but it is definately something I am willing to give a go.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I would encourage you to follow through with your doctors suggestion. There are so many things that go along with the grieving process. Especially when suicide is a factor. A counselor can help you resolve feelings you may not even realize you have. I really am sorry to hear your sister felt there was no other way out. You will probably never know waht ws going on in her mind at the time, but I am sure she would want you to do whatever it takes to learn to come to terms with her decision. That does not mean you have to agree with it, or even understand it, but maybe just to accept it in some small way and be able to begin to move forward with small steps. I am glad you found us. We will do what we can to support you throughout the healing process. :hug:
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