sitting here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ZakPup, Mar 11, 2012.

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  1. ZakPup

    ZakPup Well-Known Member

    I'm sitting here on my chair, knife in hand just thinking. I'm pretty sure I want to do it, I mean I've been there many times in the past to the threshold of life and death so I don't fear death. Well thats not true I fear the cold embrace I always felt before that voice. What I fear is what I leave behind. Before this point I thought I had it all together and living a good life. I have a job, a car, a roof over my head (even though its living with parents until I'm financially sound) And a few very good friends. All that isn't enough sometimes. I get this feeling when I'm off my meds that I can never be enough for anyone ever. Thats why I've been abused in my past relationships, it kind of solidifies that all I'm good for is being a punching bag. I try to be a good person, I'm well groomed, polite, have a goofy personality but behind that is a tortured soul that hopes for happiness, true happiness which I know I'll never see. I want to be stopped, but I don't. I want to be shown what I could live for, but I know there is nothing. Forsaken love is all that is in store for my life. Spend and endure a lifetime of pain, with small hope of happiness or eternal damnation thats all it comes down to. I have a feeling that my guardian angel won't be here to help me this time, kinda like the three strike rule ya know.
     
  2. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    :hug: I am here hun, and I will listen.

    I can relate because I have been abused in all my past relationships. And it is NOT our fault. Some "human beings" are just cruel and selfish pricks. However we can't let them bring us down. We ARE better than them and we need to keep fighting, never let them win.

    :hug: xx
     
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