I don't know how this is gonna work out but here goes. I'm 25 and have suffered from depression since 18, I've contemplated suicide dozens of times during college, even though I was socially active, popular, and was one of the top students at my school. I lost touch with many close friends, and have never had more than my little brother for family, but he now has his own life, as do all of my friends. They are starting careers, thinking about family. I was an artist, and a modeler, I've been out of full-time work for close to 3 years, making by with odd jobs and living off my savings, now dwindling. I wanted to go back to school, but I cannot afford to, nor can I take the risk if I could. Isolated for almost 3 years, every day has been harder to make it through than the last, I work and study every day to keep my mind off my situation, but at the end of the day... In short, I don't believe I have any future left. I have given thought to taking my life, and aside from my brother, it would not affect anyone, and I would leave my savings to him. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, I haven't eaten or slept well these past weeks, the days always blur together. I cannot find any joy in painting or working anymore, losing confidence in my work daily only digs me deeper into this. I run 6 or more miles daily to the point of exhaustion, getting home and sleeping for hours afterward. I really cannot exist in this gray area anymore.