situations usually my own fault; feelings still hurt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by depottc1953, Sep 7, 2007.

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  1. depottc1953

    depottc1953 Member

    I hope this post does not get too long.
    I am scared because I am starting to feel lost and alone like I did several years ago.
    In the past, my triggers were my family, my untruthfulness, my lack of self respect. I moved away from those triggers and thought I was growing inside. But they are creeping back

    Let me touch base on them

    Employment: lost job recently (no fault of my own this time). outlook for another is slim, but I still try.

    Family: I have lost contact with my daughter (my fault). I have lost contact with my sisters (tehir fault and mine). Both parents dead.

    Therapists/Counselors: waste of time--have tried several in the past and none were effective in getting me to help myself.

    Clergy: not possible

    God: feel like He has let me down and given up on me as well.

    Friends: none

    Doctors/Medical Field: they just like to perscribe Rx for everything. How can they do that if they do not know my medical background? Don't trust them--they prescribe different Rx if another one does not work.

    Self help/Reading: this is the only reason I am still here on this earth. But the thread I am holding onto is getting thinner and thinner.

    So, does anyone ever wonder if we are gone from this world, would we be missed? I mean, tomorrow will still come and they go on.
    Why do I enjoy walking through the cemetery and thinking about how alone dead people are? We put them in the ground and usuallay forget about them. When we are dead, do we really lie in peace?

    Ever wonder who would come to your funeral?

    Sorry group, just some feelings and thoughts from someone who is scared and really contemplating on giving up.

    Very scared here.
  2. depottc1953

    depottc1953 Member

    See what I mean??? Been a while, several people have read thisposting--no responses
    Ii hurt inside and no one understands that! Damn.
  3. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    I don't wanna rain on your already rainy parade, but people might be returning home from work, haven't yet had the time to switch on the box and deal with whatever need to be dealt with, Just allow some time until the evening shift kicks in.

    Why not meanwhile read some inspirational thoughts from a sticky?[/URL]
  4. livingdeath

    livingdeath Active Member

    Just want to send you some sympathetic words. I have had similar experience to yours with therapists and medications -- they don't work. I, too, am unemployed. I used to have a decent career, but I always felt like an imposter, that one day they would see what an idiot I really am. Finally, one day, it happened. Then other things happened that are even worse, like unrequited love. More rejections. I have been in a suicidal depression for 2 1/2 years now and nothing helps me. I, too, have no friends and, in fact, gave up trying to have friends several years ago.

    Unfortunately, I cannot offer you any good advice. I have to sunshine and rainbows to offer. All I can do is tell you that I understand what the stuff you are feeling feels like.
    Take care,
  5. Laylow

    Laylow New Member

    I care
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