1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Six Months Ago (A Recollection of the Past)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Aquariamethystea, Sep 1, 2007.

  1. http://suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=25916 - historical background

    <Mod Edit: Abacus21 - insulting, insensitive> ...you could have a real girl that you could be happy with

    Very true statement. I found that "real girl". Someone who listens to me, someone who talks with me, someone who doesn't leave me during a depressive moment. Someone I can argue with for 14 hours straight, and end the arguement with, realizing that we love each other very much and that we can overcome our issues. Someone who doesn't unfairly judge me. Someone who doesn't freak out because I like to go to the Ribfest, lol. That someone I can envision me being with forever. I love her that much.

    To my sweetie, AoM, I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss:
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2007
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I think this was a little insensitive of you to have posted such comments, if I was her I wouldnt like my personal stuff being thrown around here, if this is some kinda of a 'get back' it's not nice....
  3. Datsik

    Datsik Forum Buddy


    Good luck mate.
  4. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I agree with Blackness. If this is private stuff especially as it was said during a psychotic episode, it is hardly fair to post it on here now is it!? :nono: Maybe someone will do the same for you some day and you can see how it feels!
  5. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Have edited a big portion of your post out, Kurt as you can see.

    Please be more considerate in the future when posting.

  6. It is not "personal" stuff, it is her threatening me in ways which were inappropriate, and certainly not nice. This thread was made for me to "vent" not to "get back" at her or anyone else. Certainly, there are alot of more "personal" venting going on in SF, especially in the "Let It All Out" forum.
    If I wanted to "get back" at her, this wouldn't be the way to do it. I'm expressing my thoughts in this recollection. It is my venting space. I put it in the Relationships forum, rather than in the "Let It All Out" forum, because this issue is about my former relationship, (by the way, no names of anyone have been attacked here).
  7. None of the bolded statements were made by me. They were written to me, and there are many posts on SF from people who quote others from off-SF sources, in posts which aren't edited. Sure the statements were mean, that was what was told to me. Understand how those hurt me.
  8. So I suppose you support people who physically threaten others, if they do it under having a "psychotic" episode?
  9. By the way, if anyone wants to see the unedited version of what I wrote, MSN message to me at soulstice_renovatio@hotmail.com, and I'll send a copy to you.
  10. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Isn't it time to grow up and start acting the 20 something you are instead of how you act. It is not cute, not coy, and not funny the shit you do to others. WHen someone slights you, you turn into a nasty, vindictive person. You need to seek some help for that because one day you will do it to the wrong person and you will send them over the edge, and then how will you feel?? Satisfied....I wonder sometimes
  11. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Can I ask you something.

    Why do you do this? I see many times you reference to your relationships in other threads. Especially ones that have gone sour..

    Im curious what you consider a relationship. Because ...

    Assumption is the worst things, I can only go off of what I see. You obvisouly have been very hurt. Many times.

    But mate, ... somethings really off here. And for months, for multipul months I've seen many threads and many comments from you.. that..

    You know you gotta deal with this, the true realtiy of whatever you are doing. This isn't a game.

    I don't even understand this thread because the rationalization is twisted to me, and that worrys me. Alot. I'm not trying to knock you down. We can do anything we want with our own lives.

    But we are responsible for our own actions, and when we include someone else, a aspect of a relationship, a certain core understanding and commitment has to be put inlpace, otherwise we begin to use aspects of relationships as emotional tools and stepping stones. ...

    man what are you doing?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 1, 2007

  12. What about the shit you say to others in the "Let It All Out" forum, Kanani? You have been very nasty to people. You ought to examine you, before going off and trying to attack me.
  13. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I am not the one that goes hunting for peoples old threads and lashes out on exbf's like you do to your girlfriends. I am not the one who attacks those said exes on a SUICIDE FORUM and make them feel worse. I am not the one who has been warned NUMEROUS times from doing such things. And lo and behold look where it's gotten you..under moderation. I hope you are deeply satisfied with making your exes lives miserable, i hope you are proud that you are under moderation, I hope you are proud that you are making yourself look like a juvenile child throwing a tantrum for not getting that lolly he so desperately wanted.

    Why not vent about your lil ex gf's on your ever popular site instead of doing so here where those said ex's might want to get help? How many of them have you driven away now Kurt?? I'm just curious?

    And as for me and my responses I haven't heard any complaints as of yet and I always speak what I'm thinking..and that's not digging up threads and attacking people.
  14. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Kurt, you were warned about bringing personal drama onto the boards again, and now you're under moderation because of it, I find it kind of childish to bring personal drama on the boards, honestly.
    Kellz, just don't respond to him..Looking for a reaction.
  15. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    This is not how you treat another human being, especially someone whom you care about and are in a relationship.

    I work on emotional energy aswell as what I feel and can understand from what I experience in life.

    Attention being one word that's meaning alot. This is what I don't like doing, assuming. Maybe you really feel everything you says 100%, i dont know.

    But I do know relationships to a point. I do know of a respect and maturity of relationships that is stronger than this broadcasted spew and cumulatively cascading assumptions that can be played off of.

    I suppose that's the nature of being depressed,.. and no one has any right to tell him how to live his life.

    But in a relationship, you are accepting another life. you can treat himself like shit, but not the relationship.

    I know you can use a relationship for emotional waves.

    We build off of things to gether.

    We meet at something, One thing, and we join together on it, like our minds see it and we go from there. And from that joined aspect we spawn many feeligns and ideas of a potential nature.The more we share an aspect with someone the more fo ourselves we open up to that other person and the mor we share.

    The more we share with another person, the times we connect on issues. Like our mental and emotional presences meet on things, and we touch those aspects together. It's like before actually touching someone directly. Indirect touch.

    Eventually those aspects are going to be as direct as ever, and we go so much deeper into a person. no longer are we touching with aspects of the world but now we are touching with aspects of eachother. YOU are touching with aspects of someone who trusts you and cares for you.

    You can't change someone, they have to always be who they are. You can't directly put your hand into someones emotional states and move a box or rearrange a perception and make them feel better. You can, help them see it, and help them see it without getting sucked into it, and help them to stay afloat and let them suss it out. Otherwise, if you are the one fixing it, you're not fixing it. You're blocking it out, being their true strength, becase without you, they'd crumble to the fear and emotional power of the aspect(s) that plauge them.

    In a relationship we share. We let eachother know who we are. We are alot of things, and a build up of many true feelings, .. it's very special to understand(TO A LIMIT) how and why someone percieves something.

    We gain knowledge with eachother.. we let eachother know we see this part of them.. we say maybe.. you see me, maybe I'll lower my guard here slightly..

    This slight part where you think this guard has been lowered isn't slight, depending on the person, depending on their emotional control, depending on their perceptive abiliites, depending on so many things.

    By letting their guard(s) down, they let you deep in, and they feel freer to be themselves with you. You accept them, atleast to this point. You see them.
    They can be themselves.

    That's massive man.. that's fucking gold right there. Being able to just be yourself with someone else, and having them be themselves with you, ..

    (the interner lets us cheat, lets us think we are farther then we actually are. We can skip alot of true steps to makeing it to where we think we are. but in turn, that doesn't mean we are further than where we actually are. IF YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR EMOTIONS)

    You build trust. You trust off of points. These points spawn many points that spawn many points. Eventually you have a book of points and you cant even remember how you began and it feels like it has always been this way, and without it, you can't breath.

    These points, these shared beliefes, these shared hearts and loves and tears help us in relationships. They are what makes us stronger and what makes us grow.
  16. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    But if you go back to a point of so long ago, after so many things have been built off of them, and try and change it. You send a shockwave through this life that you two share.

    If you bring your baggage from your own past and SUPERIMPOSE it onto the life you share with someone new, you make that person jump from point to point with out the NATURAL movment and flow you two would naturally take.

    If you jump to conclusions and assume so harshly you will spiral out of control, and IF you do this with a relationship, You bring with you your love.

    It is your DUTY to protect the people you love. Even from yourself.

    It is your DUTY to protect yourself, so you can be there for the people you love.

    That is my beliefe.

    You cannot live in the past, otherwise the past is the present and you strangel all that could be, and let only the known vicious cycles of whatever you have come to.

    I know it is scary to go into feelings and sensations we dont know, or are not used to.

    So we REPRODUCE the same old feelings and sensations.

    And we are cunning, we manipulate the environment, we alter the topic, we change the angle... we create a bullshit bubble just to get a drink of that sensation we kow so well..

    why do we cling to these known sensations?

    Because we know where they will go, we know that no matter how much they hurt us, it won't kill us, but fuck it'll hurt, but i know that so i'm above water gaining energy.

    Dark energy .

    The problem I know is, if you can understand any of this and break it down into a concept. I know that we do this possibly for survival. Because we had nothign left. Because we truly are fucked without it. We need this crying cycle. We need this begging cycle. I'll make it look like im begging without begging but ill beg, but im really not because I know i am.. shit like that.... we do it.. and we forget the concept to which we started doing it, the main tool, and being focusing on the specifics, the never ending rationalisations, the reasons, .. that spiral onward and onward,..

    Makeing a mess after a mess after a mess..

    The eye of another on us is energy. for me, i know it is not the energy I want. Yet I am still here on this fucking website, .. that's my issue. I need it right now.

    But i try not to abuse it.. these are other lives. You are my race. So I try not to subject you to my shit. Yet I do. I have made some horrible choices and aspects of my life that I am only beginning to undertand their roots, because i am looking past the thorny shit thats there because of what I started.

    owhr.. im lost now in this lost my point of posting this...

    yeah.. in a relationship.. dont play with true bridges.. don't salute the overcomeing of a situation by bringing up specifics of the problems man. You're saying, we've truly over come this, and incase you've forgotten, i want you to re-read this, or read this. I want you all to know what we went through. I want you all to know what i went through. and we overcame it together. and i want you to know how i felt. i want you to understand it. i want you all to see it and know it

    that's cheap. that's tempting me with free emotinal energy(that's SHIT emotional energy in my opinon). You're making a bridge, a connection between you and me, instead of keeping it between you and your partner. Everyone who reads these threads has a conenction now, you can bring up your topics, there's a pathway to it.

    Some feelings it is so needed man. I know. But there are so many that arnt.

    The eye of another is a tempting energy source, but fiding your own will is the truly only way to go. Share your strong will with others and grow stronger..

    remember the good times, and fuck the bad times.