Skipped School Today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LonelyKid, Sep 17, 2007.

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  1. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    I woke up today. I was very calm and rational, and I wanted to die... seriously. I had three options but I had to wait until my mother left to work. Honestly I felt I'd be having an anxiety attack when I finally went through with it or I'd be in a frenzy of confusion but no. I'm perfectly calm and I know what I want. 2 of those options went down the drain and the last one might prove to be a bit painful with what I have. Haha. I'm so scared of pain I don't think I could, I tested it and (EDIT... dunno if I should put that...)...

    I'm so sick of not being happy... of having no friends... of being who I am... I hate everything about me and I can't be anything I want if I'm me. :D
    I honestly didn't think I could complain anymore than I already have, I'm so tired of it and I want it to go away. Once more... I don't expect much from this this is just me thinking out loud where someone might hear me. See ya later, maybe.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2007
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  3. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    :unsure:
    Ah, either way my mom got home... I cant do it while shes here... thatd be just a terrible thing to do to her. Although now my arm where i tested the last method is all tingly and stinging. >__>
    Well im gonna switch into my happy face now. And enough with my monologues... just because I want to die doesnt mean... haha.
     
  4. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    I skipped again today. I'm so sick of this.
    Just screw everything.
    I can't take it anymore, I don't care if it hurts anymore!
    I'm so sick of myself! Maybe if I were someone worth caring about people would know what was wrong with me. Maybe If I've ever done anything worth anything I wouldn't want to do this. Once my mom leaves for work today I'll try, I couldn't hate myself anymore than I do now. I can't hold on anymore, why would I want to?
     
  5. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    I stayed home from school today..I hate school as well..you are not alone.last night I cut myself too..

    Don't be sick of yourself..be sick of those giving you are hard time! (Not that I have any room to talk.)

    I cut to release the pain though..I skipped school days in a row and got expelled for 6 days and I had to switch..school is a pain in the ass! I"m thinking about dropping out..how old are you?...

    You sound pretty rational to me, and definitely someone worth caring about..

    :wub:
     
  6. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    I just do it to try to get used to the pain so I could do the real thing...
    The only person giving me a hard time at school is me. I'm terrible, I suck at it and I can't deal with it, with the pressure and I'm sick of failing at it... I'm never gonna get anywhere with how stupid I am... I want to drop out so bad... but what's that gonna do? It'll just assure a crappy life after anyways... I have one year left and I'm 17. I'm not worth caring about, I'm not worth anyone's time or attention, I'm a terrible person. My mom wont leave and I think she suspects something is wrong. I just feel so damned bad...
     
  7. 89mike

    89mike Active Member

    Drink some alcohol, works for me
     
  8. SpareTire

    SpareTire Well-Known Member

    I second that it works for me to..... SOmetimes. But if you can't do that to MOM while shes home, what makes it better to have her come home and find you like that?
     
  9. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    Because if she finds me doing it then I have to deal with it, after it won't matter at all because it's not like I can feel bad about it. That's kinda the point. Answering on drinking I have no way to get any and dont think i havent thought about that, I've thought about drugs too.
     
  10. SpareTire

    SpareTire Well-Known Member

    Naa you don't wanna fuck with drugs.... That just makes shit 10 times worse. Beer does also but not as bad.
    And how do you know you won't feel bad about it? No body knows what really happens when you die. What if you end up stuck in your house and then you have to watch her hurt. Then she'll have to move couse she won't be able to stay there any more, then you'll watch her leave crying never to see her again. And then you'll be stuck in house with a bunch of dweebs that bought the house that do dumb shit and listen to lame music and watch lame tv.
     
  11. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    That's a chance I'd be willing to take. I just believe things'll just black out, like before you were born. I don't think there's anything after. That's what sounds so appealing to me. At least I won't have to deal with everything anymore. I'm a weak person and this is my way out. Really I do feel bad about what it'll do to my family but it doesn't make me want to do it any less. Because I'm a terrible person. For years and years this has been my solution and I can't bear it anymore.
     
  12. SpareTire

    SpareTire Well-Known Member

    Well you never know, you may be right about the blacking out thing. But you can't relate that to being born becouse you don't remember being born. SO how can you remember what happened before that? And if you knew then life would be so much more advanced then it is and by now everyone would know what happens after.
    And how can you be such a bad person? I can't see an action like that being justified at a young age. as teenagers we are all fucked up some how. And as adults some get better and some get worse while others just hover. But unless you murdered your family and rapped all the neighbor hood kids, I don't think suicide is worth it. Your young, you fuck shit up now and will fuck shit up later. Just like the rest of the world.After all isen't that kinda how most of us came to this site. we all fucked somthing up. So your not the only one.
     
  13. meh__

    meh__ Well-Known Member

    i skipped school today and yesterday and just sat at home smoking pot and popping pills

    i am 17 as well.. i get itt
     
  14. Royfokker

    Royfokker Member

    I dropped all my college courses a few days ago on Sept. 17.

    A long time ago I used to be a good student. But now I just want my life back from things like school. I was sick of having to waste my time to learn things that I have no need to know or no desire. All just to pass a course that was on a curriculum checksheet for my major.
     
  15. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    Just don't drop out of school like I did, I now very much regret it.
     
  16. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    Wow how'd ya guess what i was thinking?
    I can't do it anymore. I feel like an idiot in all my classes and i can't keep up, im just not smart enough. No one like me there and i feel even more alone there. But even if I leave that's not gonna solve much it'll just create another problem so really there's no escape for me. :laugh:
     
  17. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    It's not about what you are good at. Yes we have to make it through certain courses (I have a Master's degree and failed Algebra 3 times!). It's no big deal! Find what you love and take those courses. Nobody said that to be successful you need to graduate college or take certain courses. Some of the most miserable people I know are the most "successful". Do what you love. If it's quitting school, quit school! If it's going to an alternative school, like cooking school or art school, then DO IT! This is YOUR life! So many artists and scientists have failed out of school completely and have had more of an impact on society (and History) than those who simply went through what they were expected to do. Remember this and go for the things you love.
     
  18. moviemagic

    moviemagic Member

    I was so happy to read this post because I am going through the EXACT same situation right now. I am in my last year of school, but I just can't make it through. I came all this way and now I am skipping all my classes and throwing all those years down the drain. I want to leave school, but I don't want to be considered a failure which is what I am anyway right now for skipping my classes which I will soon be dropped from if I haven't been already. I am inevitably going to get kicked out of my school, but I don't want to deal with that. I have been suicidal lately just as you are and just like you the only thing really stopping me is my mom. I was in the same situation as you in that when my mom was around I couldn't think of trying to commit suicide because well I don't really know why just because it would hurt her so much which is why I can't do it now. I know I will hurt my family, but my life just sucks and no one really understands it. I am depressed and have told my family and even started seeing a psychologist but no one really understands that this depression isn't a phase it is something that is going on every second of everyday and has been for many many years and it isn't going to stop. I don't know what to do, but reading your post showed me that there is someone out there going through the same problem.
     
  19. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    I just dropped out of school and im getting my GED..I had no other choice..my dad is crazy and I'm too far behind in credits..soon, I won't be able to come on here anymore because my dad is taking the computer away...he wants me and my little sister out of here and she's 14..im 17..and he's crazy...and i have no where to go..so im trying to contact my mom..he's a nutcase in a half!:mellow:


    :mad: *GROWL*
     
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