today i have driven myself thru my limits. made such a terrible mistake resulting in loss of money which can be avioded if im more careful. dunno what's wrong with me. cant do simple things. make lots of trouble.no one likes me. been punching and slapping myself eversince i got home. havent done this for years. too much pain inside. everytime i think of it, i just have to hurt myself. never been a cutter. never going to anyway. just slapping myself stings and distract my mind. feel so lonely tonight. actually was looking for someone to scold me but my friend didnt. why didnt she, i wonder. i needed someone to tell me off,to scream at me, to punish me. so i kept slapping myself. that ringing sound makes me heart light. the pain keeps my tears at bay. i dont wanna cry. i have no right to cry. im so stupid and deserve to die. i really wonder why she didnt scold me. why cant she do so. i will feel better. i still need to fork up the compensation money. its killin me. im nt gonna rest till its over. think im gonna go find someone with power to help. someone that can trashes those ppl. if im going to die, i dont wanna go alone. those mean ppl who are hurting me shld be punish as well.