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Sleep life away

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Jan 16, 2010.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You know if my current job did not require so much thought and effort. If I could just hang out in the background, and do my job. No stress of getting called at night no stress of my system going no nothing. If I could just program then I feel I could start a routine where i sleep my life away. I would come in and work 12+ hours everyday. Leaving only enough time to get home and sleep. Then maybe life would be bareable. I could just sleep my life away. I could accomplish nothing but making someone else rich. Then I could sleep. Life would be so much more bareable if I could just sleep it away.

    I guess that is why I am just lying in bed right now. I am trying to sleep away this crappy existence. Mainly since I do not have the means to end my own life quickly and painlessly. I just think that if I could sleep my life would pass me by. I would be nothing but a drone. Then one day I would die. It will be all happy.
  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I think sleep is the best part of life. Reality bites, so they say.
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah people always find it so hard to believe that I would rather not be a part of reality. Claiming I am missing so much. Really I am missing nothing. Yet I do not have the strength to end it all so I just need to speed up the natural process of dying.
  4. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    You know, I've been wrestling with these sorts of thoughts a lot lately, Forgotten; although not necessarily from the perspective of "awake vs. asleep," but more "active vs. passive." Sometimes I even wish I had some kind of disease that kept me bed-ridden. Watching the world pass by, day after day, one season into the next, as a perpetual, doleful observer but never as a participant... I would envy that sort of life, to be honest. I don't know exactly why.

    BTW, I dig your avatar. ;)
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I think for me time move too slowly when I am just a passive observer. I just want things to move faster. I have noticed when I am asleep, that 15 minutes in a dream can translate into 8 hours in the real world. Then again 8 hours in a dream can be 8 hours in the real world or less. I guess I just hope that I can make time pass quicker.

    Sadly I am also plagued with insomnia.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think if you try and sleep all the time all your going to do is screw up your biological clock.. You'll find yourself awake alot more..So you will be defeating the purpose.. I've tried it and even tried drug induced sleep and all that happened was I would wake up in the middle of the night wide awake..
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well that would be one side-effect of me not sleeping. But I am counting on such a thing happening. It will weaken my body and speed up the process of me dying as well.
  8. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Maybe you coul start little, like the internet, and find something live for? Find something that you could accompllish in life that would actually make you happy. Sitting in bed all day and sleeping all day is definitely going to have an affect on your mood.

    Then the next step would be to just walk around somewhere. Find something, someone, that would make you feel like you're existence isn't crappy. That you can actually get out of bed just to do or see that one thing. Maybe, see a professional too? It might help.
  9. puddleduck

    puddleduck Member

    Sleeping life away...this is how I get when I am depressed. I would just rather not deal with anything but am honestly too chicken to end my life. Sadly now though, it has gotten to the point where sleep isn't even comforting since my reality is working it's way into my subconsciois dreams. Plus, like Stranger1 noted, it really does screw with your biological clock. Just wanted to let you know though, I know how you feel.
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Actually I have several endeavors that I am trying to keep up with. I run one website and am currently building another two.

    I honestly think that I am incapable of finding life worth living. I have not always been depressed like this. So I figure that if I could not have at least found one thing by now then I will never find anything.
  11. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Are you on any medication?

    You can still find something. You've got to keep trying, even when you think there's no reason to.
  12. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    You're "Lead CMS Developer"? Or were? Tell me about it. I have studied computer science, and if I could, i'd be invisible. I would go to all of the many job sites across the country unobserved. This would allow me to see what people do and learn from them. This would be a tremendous headstart before even going to uni level. Be a big boost in confidence.

    I know, I know, there's so much more you could do if you were invisible, but I don't have a job and would like to learn job skills that way! Being invisible has so many advantages. Where do I get the tecnology to make myself invisible?

    PM me if you don't want to talk about it here.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2010
  13. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    thats basically what life is for the majority of us. Work all day, spend all your earnings on food and rent.. I don't know what's supposed to come inbetween, really.
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Silent Angel: The problem with medication is I know I would become dependent on it to remain happy. Or I would just fight the meds. Either way things would bad. Plus I would rather not fight nature in this case.

    johnnysays: Yes I will not lie I am very lucky to have the job and experience that I do. And chances are I am an ungrateful whelp for hating what I have. But that is the way things are.
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