I was raised with the saying, "You made your bed, now sleep in it." I've been doing just that. The only thing is the other half is a pack rat and now it's so bad, I'm struggling real hard because of it. AA teaches that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity. I've given it time and that is what has to change now. The change will be hard. I have to leave. It will take time as it is not easy to do on many levels. The key is to survive while I work toward this goal. The feelings of suicide are stronger today than they have been in while now. I've have very strange, wild dreams for several days now. I'm praying. I know God is with me. I also know I need others to know too. Please pray for me right now.