Sleeping pills

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Feiticeira, Mar 20, 2010.

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  1. Feiticeira

    Feiticeira Member

    I am 19 years old and for the last 10 months or so I've been dating this guy... he was the love of my life. I knew there was something special about him since the first time I saw his cute face. I found him online, on a site. I saw his photo, my heart beats accelerated and I knew he was going to change my life, in one way or another. I just felt it. Later, we talked on msn and I found out he was from my town. So we met. From the first moment, he told me he wants to hang out but he's not interested in any kind of relationship. He is the loner kind of guy, the one who has few close friends and that's it. Anti-social. As a paradox, he was a heartbreaker, though. To him, it was just sex. He had sex with girls and to most of them never spoke again. I was hurt and disappointed. But I was determined to wait, to have all the patience in the world. I was so sure he was going to fall in love with me. And he did. After months of suffering, of feeling hopeless, I finally heard those words from him. And we were so happy ever since. I gave him everything I had to offer. He was the center of my Universe. He hurt me a lot of times, but there was nothing I couldn't forgive. I loved him so much, that anything he did wrong, I just closed my eyes and looked the other way. Because I knew, I felt that he was really sorry. And he really loved me. We were so perfect for each other. He helped get over my cousin's death [we were very close and he got murdered], he made me happy, he made me feel alive again. I have a horrible relationship with my parents. I only have two friends. But he was my ray of light and hope. I trusted him so much. I saw girls around me being heart-broken and I said to myself "I'm so lucky to have him. He would never do that to me". That's how much I trusted him. He was not only part of my life. He was my entire life. And now he's gone... He left me, because I did a stupid mistake. I am so sorry!!! I swear to God I've never felt more sorry for anything in my life. I know he felt hurt, but why can't he just forgive me, like I did so many times? He just left me... knowing that I'm going through a very rough period of my life right now, 'cause I started college in another city, I don't like it, I feel alone and I keep failing my exams, so my self-esteem is pretty low right now. I only had him to comfort me. And now, because of a stupid mistake I made, he left me. I haven't slept in days, I haven't eaten in days, I keep crying and crying. I read his love e-mails and it's like I can hear his voice. I watch his photos, our photos... and I touch my computer's screen, 'cause it's the only way I can touch him right now. In the morning, when I wake up, I still feel his perfume on my pillow, his arms around me, his lips on mine. I am a mess. I didn't get out of my room since it happened. My friends keep calling, but I reject their calls. The only reason I don't throw away my phone is that I'm still hoping he would call. I still hope the phone will ring and I will hear his voice saying that he loves me and he's sorry he ever thought of leaving me. But the time passes and the phone doesn't ring... And all I can think of is an overdose of sleeping pills and some vodka. I don't see any other way. Everything I do, everywhere I go, I think of him. Nothing makes sense anymore. I can't even remember how I used to be before I met him. I don't know how to live without me. I want him back! I need him back...
    What am I supposed to do? I can't go on like this. I'll end up dead!
  2. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    Wow, you are going through a lot right now.

    First, you are 19 years old. I know you may not be able to think straight about love at the moment, but there are plenty of other people who could be right for you.

    I'm deleting part of this based on your clarification.

    You did the right thing by reaching out on here. Take care.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2010
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you......relatonship breakups are painful but I can tell you it will get better....
    I can see how hurt you are but suicide is not the answer.....
    there will be others on here who have gone through similar circumstances who can offer support...
    I hope you'll keep posting.....
  4. Feiticeira

    Feiticeira Member

    No, I didn't cheat on him. I would never do that. But that's what he thinks... and his lack of trust hurts me. the thing is... there was this guy... i felt sorry for him, 'cause he told some emotional story about his girlfriend breaking up with him [which was obiously a lie] so i was friendly to him. never ever felt attracted to him or gave him the impression i want more than friendship. but my boyfriend can't believe that.
    and he didn't cheat on me either. the things he did... were stupid mistakes like this. he is very good-looking and a lot of girls were after him and it made me feel bad, 'cause i'm a bit chubby and i have a low self-esteem. and he was friendly with them, they even flirted sometimes, on that site i met him. and i felt really hurt. but i forgave him, 'cause i knew then and i am still sure that he never cheated on me.
  5. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    Alright so, I suppose I did slightly misjudge the situation initially. Sorry about that.

    I honestly don't understand, then, what his problem is. If you trust him, but he can't trust you, that's not a very balanced relationship if you ask me. But if he was flirting with other girls while he was with you, that's not good.....
  6. Feiticeira

    Feiticeira Member

    i know that! i just want to re-gain his trust. how do i do that? we had fights before, but this is different. how do i get him back??
  7. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    Well, that's a difficult question to answer. Obviously if you cannot communicate with him (because he won't call) then there's not a whole lot you could do. I guess if you have a mutual friend you could try and get some type of a 'message' to him through that person??? I don't know anything about him, though, and without really knowing what type of guy he is, there's not much direct relationship advice I can give.
  8. Feiticeira

    Feiticeira Member

    i'll figure something out. thanks anyway.
  9. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    You're welcome. I hope things work out for you.
  10. Casiopeea

    Casiopeea New Member

    Usually, in a relationship, both partners make mistakes. They sometimes forgive each other, sometimes they don't, depends on the situation. We all fail in making our love ones to trust us sometimes, as we sometimes lose our own trust in them. You are young and you have your whole life in front of you, even though now you suffer. Relationships can be fixed, no matter how, by who, or when, but they can. You be careful of what will you do, you matter the most, then comes the rest. Good luck!
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