I am 19 years old and for the last 10 months or so I've been dating this guy... he was the love of my life. I knew there was something special about him since the first time I saw his cute face. I found him online, on a site. I saw his photo, my heart beats accelerated and I knew he was going to change my life, in one way or another. I just felt it. Later, we talked on msn and I found out he was from my town. So we met. From the first moment, he told me he wants to hang out but he's not interested in any kind of relationship. He is the loner kind of guy, the one who has few close friends and that's it. Anti-social. As a paradox, he was a heartbreaker, though. To him, it was just sex. He had sex with girls and to most of them never spoke again. I was hurt and disappointed. But I was determined to wait, to have all the patience in the world. I was so sure he was going to fall in love with me. And he did. After months of suffering, of feeling hopeless, I finally heard those words from him. And we were so happy ever since. I gave him everything I had to offer. He was the center of my Universe. He hurt me a lot of times, but there was nothing I couldn't forgive. I loved him so much, that anything he did wrong, I just closed my eyes and looked the other way. Because I knew, I felt that he was really sorry. And he really loved me. We were so perfect for each other. He helped get over my cousin's death [we were very close and he got murdered], he made me happy, he made me feel alive again. I have a horrible relationship with my parents. I only have two friends. But he was my ray of light and hope. I trusted him so much. I saw girls around me being heart-broken and I said to myself "I'm so lucky to have him. He would never do that to me". That's how much I trusted him. He was not only part of my life. He was my entire life. And now he's gone... He left me, because I did a stupid mistake. I am so sorry!!! I swear to God I've never felt more sorry for anything in my life. I know he felt hurt, but why can't he just forgive me, like I did so many times? He just left me... knowing that I'm going through a very rough period of my life right now, 'cause I started college in another city, I don't like it, I feel alone and I keep failing my exams, so my self-esteem is pretty low right now. I only had him to comfort me. And now, because of a stupid mistake I made, he left me. I haven't slept in days, I haven't eaten in days, I keep crying and crying. I read his love e-mails and it's like I can hear his voice. I watch his photos, our photos... and I touch my computer's screen, 'cause it's the only way I can touch him right now. In the morning, when I wake up, I still feel his perfume on my pillow, his arms around me, his lips on mine. I am a mess. I didn't get out of my room since it happened. My friends keep calling, but I reject their calls. The only reason I don't throw away my phone is that I'm still hoping he would call. I still hope the phone will ring and I will hear his voice saying that he loves me and he's sorry he ever thought of leaving me. But the time passes and the phone doesn't ring... And all I can think of is an overdose of sleeping pills and some vodka. I don't see any other way. Everything I do, everywhere I go, I think of him. Nothing makes sense anymore. I can't even remember how I used to be before I met him. I don't know how to live without me. I want him back! I need him back... What am I supposed to do? I can't go on like this. I'll end up dead!