Sliding again and scared

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by *dilligaf*, Sep 12, 2008.

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  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I thought I was over all of this, but obviously not, and it's scaring me.

    The last month or so I have felt my moods dropping and dropping. Then I stopped taking my anti depressants EVERY day (i know, i know) and ended up taking them like every other day.

    Sunday night I took 10 pain killers. Don't know why, wasn't going to kill me. Wasn't even meant to.

    Since Sunday I have cut 16 times on my leg and scratched about 10 times. Just sat here and did it like an hour ago.

    I have been drinking more than I like to.

    I thought I was over all this. My best mate remembers when I was at the lowest point ever, a few years ago. And she's always telling me that she remembers when I was that low but that now I'm out the other side and it's great. I don't feel like I'm out the other side...I feel like I'm slipping right back in there again.

    I can't do all this again.

    I cant do the s/h. The waking up in hospital after an attempt. The spending God knows how much money on alcohol.

    :sad: what do I do?
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    If you don't want to do this all again sam, then you have to make a conscious decision and not let yourself slip into that dark place again. Put away the razor blade and start doing things that are good for you, like eating healthy and exercising. Stop wasting your money on alcohol. This is what you have to do to get better.
  3. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry you are feeling like this again Sam, I know from experience that there are many short periods of feeling good and then dipping for no apparent reason, hopefully though you will find it easier to climb out of the dip each time. Eventually the dips will get less & less.

    This is good advise from Dave, I would add that you should see your doc and discuss your medication, it's not a good idea to cut the meds down yourself.

    I hope you start to feel better soon Sam.
    :hug: Hazel x
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks both :hug:

    Dave, I knwo thats waht i need to do..but it's hard, ya know?

    Hazel, thanks hun. I know a doc is a good idea but it's scarey :sad:
  5. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry things are so bad at the mo I hope you start to feel a bit better soon. Try and see your doctor hun I know its not easy I've forced myself to make an app with mine on thurs not sure if I'll keep it but I'll try hope you can to
  6. lilella44

    lilella44 Well-Known Member

    i know how hard it is not to slip back.
    i really understand, coz i kinda feel the same way right now.
    surround yourself with happy people and get out of the house and do some stuff that makes you feel good.
    take your medication every day and see your doctor if necessary.
    in fact i think you should see a doctor.

    please be ok :smile:
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i'm tempted to go see my doctor tomorro :mellow:

    im scared :sad:
  8. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    fuck it :sad: :sad:

    i plucked up the courage to call my doctor and there was no answer :blub:
  9. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    keep calling till someone answer Sam. Do not give up. The doc might be out or out of the office for some reason but he-she will return eventually so keep calling every 15 min not to miss the doc's return ok?

    there is no reason to be scared. you've been there before you know they are out to help you.

    i send you lots of love and positive thoughts

    huggles hun

    stay safe will you

    granny xox
  10. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hey hun :hug:

    You done well to contact the doctor, I know how much it takes to actually get the courage to do this.

    I know it's easy to get put off when you don't get through but it really is a good idea to keep trying till you get an appointment.

    I know it's especially scary when we start feeling so low again because that's when we realise that possibly things were just a fraction better than what they are now.

    It's impulsive to take too many pills, drink too much & sh when we feel worse but sometimes before you know it things have spiralled out of control, even if we don't intend or mean any harm. When I'm feeling worse I always try & make sure there is nothing that I can harm myself with.

    I hope you find the strength to try & call again tomorrow chick.

    Take care & stay safe xx
  11. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    thank you hun. i DID call back but my doctor only has appointments to book on the day. so i have to call back tomorrow...if i get up in time.

    i dont even know why im going. he never helps :sad:
  12. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hey hun,

    That's pretty crappy that they will only accept appointments if you phone on the day :hug:

    Can you not get an emergency appointment?

    Do you have to visit your own doc, if you feel he won't help? I know in my practice we don't have to always see our own GP we can see any of the doctors within the practice.

    How do you feel you are coping now anyway? :hug:
  13. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    well the problem is that i am currently living with my partner but my doctors is still in my home town. i have been at home for a few days and am going back to where i live either tomorrow or thursday.

    i will be fine...honest...
  14. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hun if you're going back to stay with your partner & won't be at home then maybe you should say it's an emergency just to get an appointment.

    I always put off phoning the doc because when I do ring I get so nervous about it all, dunno why really. I always put it off that much that I convince myself I'm fine & don't need an appt after all. That feeling doesn't ever last long though everything comes flooding back with a vengence & by that point I'm usually beyond help.

    I just don't want to see you get into a similar situation :hug:
  15. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug: hun i'll be fine :smile: thank you for caring xxxoxxx
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