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slippery slope of weight gain

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by flowers, Apr 16, 2012.

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  1. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    So tired of living with this compulsive eating disorder. Was able to keep it under control because I was physically ill. could not eat much. The physician last autumn was pleased to see I lost 8 pounds. But it was because I had an ulcer. The ulcer is healed. And 7 of those pounds are gained. And the compliments have waned.

    I feel horrible. I do not like having a roll in my gut. I have always had a compulsive eating disorder. I came from a family that abhored fat. Even my dad told me he would like to see me painfully thin. I was rejected by mother and grandmothers for being overweight. So I have no level os self esteem when I am overweight. I reject myself when I am overweight. Food is my best friend, and my only real friend. And I feel completely ashamed and worthless if I am overweight.

    But now I must regulate my eating even more. Because of those 7 gained pounds. I eat almost no fat. No sugar at all and no wheat. I eat so fast. As if I have not had food in a long time. And no amount of food can truely satiate me. Sad. All the food I eat is very low fat. And low carb. Still I manage to gain. And now I must change things to lose those 7 lbs I gained in the past 5 months. urggggg. Perhaps this is a rant. So excuse my ranting. I am not at all sure how I am going to lose these pounds so i can feel okay about myself. I loathe exercizing as much as I love food !!! If I had money i would join a nice gym. And use their treadmill. But I can only afford membership to a very noisy gym. I used to loose weight by starving. But my body is not strong enough to withstand such abuse. So this is not an option. I must be kind to my body :) So it can be kind to me. Thanks for reading my very overly indulgent thoughts :D
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hey flowers I'm glad that ulcer has healed...I know how painful they are..
    I'm sorry your family was like that when you needed them to take care of you as a child....that's so cruel..
    I eat for 'comfort' and have to watch my weight but am a bit obsessive about it.....so I feel for you :hug:

    I go to a "physio gym" where a physiotherapist sets certain exercises especially for me and it's government subsidized here so really cheap..
    It's not about losing weight so much as keeping fit as possible with a 'not so healthy' body but it helps keep the weight stable with more muscle than fat..
    Don't' know if you have that in your country?

    I wish we (and others) could love our bodies as they are and not worry about what we look like.
    The media has a lot to answer for I believe in teaching us that thin is "in"
    You have a wonderful, caring heart Flowers and you are a beautiful person to me. :arms:
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thanks IV :hug: the weakness in the lining of the stomach is probably still there because of all the acid. But I feel no reminder that the ulcer was even there. So thanks.

    We do have physio in the US. Its called physical therapy. Physical therapists work there. A doctor has to prescribe it. And of course since it is the US, the insurance companies have to agree to pay. They allow a specific number of weeks to resolve the problem. I probably could go. But weight loss is not a diagnosis that an insurance company would accept for pt. Because I am on disability the government would hopefully pay if I had a reasonable diagnosis . But their coverage is not reliable at all. Its wacky. I am sure you have heard about the horrors of health care in the US. Great..... and no wait health care, for those who are covered by insurance. otherwise, good luck paying for it yourself. Same with medications.

    I called the senior citizens agency today. To see what is avilable for someone who is 60. I spoke with a young woman volunteer who talked to me like I was ancient !!! Too funny. You are fortunate in that you can handle exercizing. for me its like nails on a chalkboard. I think it is because its so hard to be in my body. I agree with you re the media and body image/ size. Just out of curiosity, I googled asking what size a specific plus size model wears in pants. The answer was size 9. In this country, size 9 is much smaller than average. And yet the plus size model wears that size. how wacky !!!!!

    IV, we can only see in others what we already have in ourselves. This is what I was taught, and I do believe it. So I take your words to me about me, and offer them back about you. And they ARE the truth !!!! You are a good kind person with a beautiful heart. I wish for healing for all of us here. For all of our hearts. :heart: yes.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I find if I drink water throughout the day, and eat at least 5 small meals, I am not hungry, and that took me nearly a lifetime to learn...I eat all the time...a few raisins, trail mix, veggies, popcorn (I even got used to the ones without anything on, but I put on onion powder or chilli), etc. I eat a lot of protein (half a chicken at a time) which metabolizes quite quickly...and for sweets, which I adore, I do allow small pieces of very dark chocolate...and when I really need to, I cheat...just eat it and be done...lost over 150 pounds before getting ill and maintain about 120 (lost more since being ill) as it is hard to get around. I use You-Tube vids to work out, because when I go to the gym, they put me on machines like a hamster...hate that.
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    That's very good advice from Sadeyes.........

    I'm sorry Sadeyes to hear about the emotional abuse to do with this from your family. I married into a family where this was used as a form of control, and it is very sad because I know how it wrecks lives. It was my husband's mother who "gave" me my eating disorder of bingeing/starving (once, I did not eat for a whole week, and just existed by drinking water! - needless to say I lost 14lbs that week, but it all came straight back when I started eating again.)

    Over the years, this is what I've found works best for me....... no gluten, no dairy, nothing processed.

    Main meal - stir-fry veggies - lots of different varieties of veg - different colours, textures etc. flavoured with stock, garlic, onions, chilli, ginger etc. You can live on this for days....... add some lean diced beef, chicken etc. for your protein.

    And then, keep yourself busy to help take your mind off it - and tell your stomach that you've been kind to it with what you're giving it - so it can be kind in turn back to you - and that you are its master and not the other way around :IrishDoll:
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Sadeyes, hopefully your health will improve. Thats the most important thing. I have lots of cocolate. I use Gheridelli cocoa powder mixed with hot water, health food store quality stevia and some no fat almond milk. I know what you mean about those exercize machines. like fingernails on a chalkboard for me. And the people who demo them at gyms often are so very happy about them !! Why must they be so cheery about those machines.... and my lack of muscle tone? Good idea re youtube workout videos. thanks. Thats another thing to try......... for 2 days. I have a little jogging trampoline. it looks nice, on its side, against the wall in my bedroom.
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Hi, sorry to hear about your ulcer...glad that it has healed now...I think I might have one myself. So I know it can really affect your diet when you're always feeling sick after eating. Sorry to hear about the way your family has treated you, but you shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself. My family was the opposite...they never really had good eating habits and that transferred onto me. That's a lifelong habit that can be hard to break, but it can be done.

    I know it can be very hard to lose the weight...it's hard for me because I feel unmotivated due to my depression, and I have a thyroid condition that is, in essence, destroying my thyroid...so my energy is usually very low. But I still want to press on and be healthier because I know I need to do it. You don't need to go to an expensive gym to lose weight, you just need to be physically active. Jogging, running, walking, or doing just about anything where you can get around is helpful. I believe in you and know that you will be able to do it. :)
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I had an exercise bike which just took up room and was a good coat rack, then a lend of a walking machine which took up more room, so i did smile at what you said about the trampoline flowers :)

    I used to love the dancing classes..old time and ballroom..but the clapped out body put an end to that..
    it seems to be the way to get the weight off but of course we have to be fit enough to do it.. :(

    Chocolate!! somebody mentioned Chocolate!! :biggrin:
    damn that stuff is addictive!

    I believe in you too flowers and I hope you find something that works for you to reach your goal.. :hug:
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