isnt it funny how life has a way of kicking you when you're down? well, recently i'd actually been feeling a little better. I havent been on here as much, because i was actually out doing stuff and slightly enjoying life. "maybe i have the will to live afterall, maybe someone can actually love me" thought I. HA. what a fool i was. I was looking in the mirror a few days ago and something in me just snapped. I realized how ugly and pathetic i am. i realized that no woman would ever want to even look at me, let alone hug or kiss me. i realized that i am just a blemish on this world, and if i killed myself then others would never have to have the misfortune of having anything to do with me. Of course, after these thoughts entered my head that was all i could think about. I then proceeded to punch myself in the face until blood was flowing freely. Now i finnally realize why people self harm. It takes your mind off the mental pain and focuses it on the physical (which is much more tolerable, in my opinion). and it helps me punish myself for being such a loser. but now, ive made myself even uglier and the people i was hanging out with dont want to chill with me anymore because im too "psychotic" and "weird". and it really doesnt feel good to have people tell you that. oh well i shouldve known by now that im destined for misery and a premature death.