slipping back in the hole

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by gothic_spleen, Dec 10, 2008.

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  1. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    I thought I was over this. Its been years. But everything is coming to a head. Economic BS, family troubles, i feel like im going nowhere. The feelings of hopelessness. The fatigue, hell I cant even get out of bed to go to the store. All I can do is look at pics of family and friends long gone. My parents call me, and say I need Jesus. Yea, that helps...not! Ive been clean for four years, I go to NA meetings, and im honestly considering picking up and using. My pistol is looking like my best friend....and the cycle I alone?
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I feel like you a lot recently. I try my very best to not let myself fall too far down.

    Do you have any idea of things that could help to not fall further down? Because the further I fall, the more harder it is to climb out.
  3. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    well when I cant go to the doctor, or turn anywhere else, i usually come here, but its harder and harder, when I first joined, there was a pack of us, some are now dead, others ....welll i dont know. I know it helps to talk, and it seems easier to talk to a computer server....thats sad.

    This cycle just keeps going, ive been self harm free for about a year, im so afraid ill start doing it again.
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi there :)
    yeah, it's somewhat strange uh, how big this site become.
    But as you see, there's still a bunch of us "oldies" around!
    I guess I see what you uncertainty makes people unhappy, affraid....
    A good thing is that you know that when you feel down you can come here, talk to a screen.....I don't know if it's sad, it might be a sign of the times too, it seems that people nowadays talk and listen better through this.
    I hope you can keep fighting your urge, because mostly it feels like a faillure when you fall back, and it makes you strong to be able to say to yourself I'm still in control and I can fight it!
    I hope you feel bettter soon, I am glad to see you around here and hope it will keep working well for you to come here and ramble, complain, whatever might make you feel relieved.
    Take care
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Gothic Sleen,
    You Have been here long enough to know that the people here on the forum will listen to you. No one judges. I can relate to you. I spent fourteen years just lying in bed staring at the ceiling fan going around. Had no motivation. The only times I got up was bathroom, food, and to smoke out back because my sister won't let me smoke in the house.
    I couldn't make my self do anything but lay there wishing I would die. I sat on the edge of my bed more than once with my pistol to my head, hammer cocked, and my finger on the trigger. Thats when I gave my pistol to my brother to hang onto for me. I knew one of these times I was going to pull the trigger.
    Then I found the forum and the people hear grew to be friends and would offer support when I was down. There has been several times I was ready to cash it in. But they all rallied and gave me just enough hope to bring me out of it. I hope you can turn yourself around and we will help in any way we can.. ~Joseph~
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Gothic_spleen,

    Well done on being clean for for 4 years, that takes a lot of strength.

    Please put away the pistol...:sad:

    Are you on any medication for your depression? :hug:

    Always here if you need to talk. I hope you feel better soon hun :hug:
  7. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Btw, I tried to edit my post above, but it didn't work :(....I wanted to add that the new people around seem to me like a very nice bunch too :)
  8. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    As far as medication no, im not on any, with my job I cant, or ill be fired, maybe not fired but def not able to be in the field. Although it looks like my job is on the chopping block as well, the county is way over budget.

    Life just sucks right now.....

    Im starting to exibit more signs of my PTSD, that I thought I was over. The dreams have come back robbing me of my sleep...This sucks.
  9. MaxPeP

    MaxPeP Member

    New to this forum.

    Never been to a forum like this before, even though i properly should have joined something like this many years ago!

    This was the first thread i clicked after creating a profile.

    And what a lot of familiar stuff i read here :(

    Almost as i feel right at home.

    Oh well, enough rambling about me.

    I hope you get better gothic_spleen. Personally i dont know what else to say.

    But you are right, and others to, about it being easier to write how you feel on a forum like this.
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