Slipping back

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Breathe, Jan 16, 2010.

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  1. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    I was sexually assualted a few months ago and i cant get it out of my head. I think about it, i dream about it. I'm loosing sleep, its stressing me out, i feel like i am loosing my mind.

    I only told two people, my boyfriend who learnt by accident and a guy friend who had helped me through my self harming and suicide attempts. I havent told anyone else, i'm scared what they might think of me. I was humilated, vilolated. I'm not scared it will happen again though when it is dark and i am walking home i do get paranoid a little at every shadow it seems. I'm scared what others might think of me. I know i need help to get passed it but i dont want to talk about it in detail. My boyfriend doesnt know what to do aswell, i can see the pain and anger in him when he wakes me from a nightmare.

    I feel as if its my fault too.. my fault i got taken advantage of. If i had only fought a little harder, shouted louder. I got away eventually from him before it turned into rape but he still touched me, and i feel sick thinking of it.

    I've started to get back into old habits. Cant take the darkness and the fear anymore. I cut again. I craved that relief you feel even if for only a few seconds. Strange how the pain can become so comforting in a time of need. I've also been contemplating killing myself... I dont want to wake in fear, i dont want to see his face in my dreams, i dont want to feel his hands on me if i even daze out. I hate reliving the experience. I've been trying to fight these feelings. Telling myself its all in my head but i cant help but feel so alone, and scared. Seems i am not afraid of the man himself but of my mind and the memory. I dont want to live like this.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu need to see a professional now get yourself some help Tell your doctor and go see a psychologist psychiatrist and get treated for your symptoms
    It won't go away it will only get worse so go get help call crisis line let them know what is happening and get help stop the madness okay start healing
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What happened to you ISN'T your fault. But Violet is right, you need to seek some professional help. :hug:
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