slipping into replapse...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by freddie, Apr 20, 2011.

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  1. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    just cut.
    fucks sake.
    first time since october... first relapse.
    my laptop is bust 100% so relying on crappy mobile internet for access to this site.
    oh man, im not even feeling low.
    just tonight it kicked in and i knew i would do it. hmmm.
    here comes what im sure will be a long exploration into my body and its boundaries.
    im a wimp. i forgot how much it stings :(
    im not in it for the pain.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you are not a wimp okay you need to call someone to talk to them to get some better coping skills then harming yourself . Do ONE thing okay one that will show compassion to you not harm You deserve that okay kindness the world beats us up enough with out us doing it to ourselves you slipped okay not move on don't do it again it will only get worse as you said hugs
     
  3. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    I don't think you are a wimp either the fact you have lasted since october shows you are strong, i know it's not easy and alot of people relapse from addictive behavior. You are doing so well i hope you focus on that, try not to dwell on it.
     
  4. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    thank you for the quick support!
    so appreciative.
    i havent repeated but yeh i need some help quick.
    ugh. its so late anyway. ill sort myself out tomorrow. just feel a bit dumb for doing it... and for not doing a better job. gah! sorry.
    ill be fine.
    thanks again
    x
     
  5. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    Still hard work.
    Ordered some ametop... I werent satisfied with the outcome of last time.
    I have an awesome design I wanna do.
    Cant tell whether im doing this for body art or because im looking to go back to cutting so bad.
    Hmmm.
    Very confused indeed.
    My five x five zig zags are ridiculously unsatisfactory, a taste again however.
    Im not making sense :')
    Sorry should have a blog for this crap ey.
     
  6. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    self harm is addictive as any one that does it will tell you. its like an alcoholic not drinking for months and then falling off wagon. it does not make you weak, you relapsed but the fact that it was first time since october does not make you a wimp. what made you give in? why not just get your design done professionally if its not the pain that makes you do it, but then again we all have different reasons, but please try to remember why you stopped last october and get back there...good luck and take care :cheekkiss:
     
  7. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    hi icequeen
    thanks for your reply
    erm, i'm not sure what made me cave in but i'm struggling not to do it again (i haven't yet)
    the only reason i stopped in october? i had a bit of an accident and it scared me... guess i've gotten over it now. also my partner and the fact i can't hide it from him. he saw what i did when i posted this. not impressed obviously :/
    hmm.
    thanks for your good wishes
    xx
     
  8. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    yer im back :/ third night in a row of harm.
    tonight has provided me with a large triangle.
    has anyone read
    Bright Red Scream by marilee strong?
    bought it today, looks interesting.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hi freddie, welcome to the forum! get back on the horse and keep trying, you can do it again x
     
  10. freddie

    freddie Well-Known Member

    hi! thank you :( you know how it is im sure, its like smoking, you dont wamt to stop all the time. im planning next time already.
    i hope i get back on track soon.
    thanks again for support
    x
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I hope you get back on track too. Good luck :) and you're very welcome x
     
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