I've always been artsy and flippant and able to find the joy in life, but then I met him and we got married. He came from$ which frightened and intimidated me, not that my family was poor, but my forefathers were slaves, where his were nazi. West Indian and German. I've wanted to die of such shock and horror about a certain amount of coldness and depravity that I shan't go into... I mean, all this communing with former lovers and having such poor taste in humor, lacking an intellectual threshold of any sort. I feel like I'm a rat In a guilded cage surrounded by an army of pink inappropriate elephants. I haven't eaten for so long. I want to run, but I gave up everything to make a new life, now I see a preset one of buffoonery and callousness and excess that my stomach cannot take. What bacchanalian rubbish is this? Am I mad? Or culturally inept to deal with the first world?